IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries, birth rates are fallling and experts say that by 2050 these countries will have far more adults aged 65 and over than children under 15. What problems might this cause in the future? Can anything be done to solve this issue?

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Children are a main factor in the country because they have more productivity than old people. The question is, A few
countries
Use synonyms
 are facing a serious
problem
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 which is decreased
birth
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rates
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 and in the future, these
countries
Use synonyms
 may have far more adults than children. In my opinion,
The
Correct article usage
apply
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developed
countries
Use synonyms
 usually suffer from decreased
birth
Use synonyms
rates
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due to
Linking Words
 they
work
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 very hard, The solution is the government should add
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
flexible
working
Replace the word
work
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. In
this
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 essay, I am going to introduce details of the
problem
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 and the solution.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, Advanced
countries
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 usually have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
few
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
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 of births compared with developing
countries
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.
In other words
Linking Words
, They
work
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 10 hours every day,
Moreover
Linking Words
, Some of them
work
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 even
in
Change preposition
at
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 the
weekend
Fix the agreement mistake
weekends
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,
Therefore
Linking Words
, They
Correct your spelling
and they
 do not have
increased
Correct article usage
an increased
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number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
birth
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
rates
Fix the agreement mistake
rate
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, China used to have numerous
birth
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rates
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,
However
Linking Words
, They have
vision
Add an article
a vision
show examples
 for 2050,
Also
Linking Words
, All the
community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
show examples
 there
work
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 very hard,
Linking Words
as
Correct word choice
and as
show examples
 a result, They suffer from decreased
birth
Use synonyms
rates
Use synonyms
 now.
However
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, There are many solutions but I am going to introduce only one which is
add
Fix the infinitive
to add
show examples
 a new law.
Although
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 The government have to control
hours
Correct article usage
the hours
show examples
 of working that might help the
birth
Use synonyms
rates
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, They should create a flexible working which helps the community
spending
Wrong verb form
spend
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 more time with their family.
For instance
Linking Words
, India used to suffer from
this
Linking Words
problem
Use synonyms
,
However
Linking Words
, they added a new law which
give
Change the verb form
gives
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
stay
Correct article usage
a stay
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 at home more than
workplace
Add an article
a workplace
the workplace
show examples
,
Hence
Linking Words
, They get
increased
Correct article usage
an increased
show examples
 number of births. In conclusion. I would argue that the main
problem
Use synonyms
 is people do not have enough time with their family,
Therefore
Linking Words
, The government should help them and decrease Use synonyms contractioncutbackdeclinediscountdownturnlossreductionshrinkageabatementcompression It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score. hours of working.

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vocabulary
Consider using a broader range of synonyms to avoid repetition and enhance your vocabulary.
content
Ensure that you elaborate on your points to present a more comprehensive view of the issues and solutions.
coherence
Work on the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs to strengthen the overall coherence of your essay.
content
The essay presents a relevant issue regarding declining birth rates which reflects an understanding of the topic.
examples
You have made an effort to provide examples to support your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Demographic shifts
  • Dependent population
  • Population pyramid
  • Healthcare provision
  • Pension schemes
  • Labor force
  • Economic sustainability
  • Generational equity
  • Immigration policies
  • Fertility incentives
  • Retirement reforms
  • Life expectancy
  • Workforce participation
  • Social security
  • Aging population
  • Birth rates
  • Technological innovation
  • Automated workforce
What to do next:
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