IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

RM4. Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

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Many food and drink
products
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 contain high levels of
sugar
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 which causes many health problems like obesity and heart disease. Some
people
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 believe that making
sugar
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products
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 expensive
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
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 to reduce their consumption.
This
Linking Words
 essay agrees with the given statement because too much
sugar
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 is harmful to
people
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 and higher
prices
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 may decrease their buying habits. One reason to support higher
prices
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 for sugary
products
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 is that it can make
people
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 buy less of them. When
prices
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 go up
people
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 look for cheaper alternatives, and if sugary snacks become expensive society
start
Correct subject-verb agreement
starts
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 to use healthier options like water, fruits or non-
sugar
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products
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.
For example
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, after a
sugar
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 tax was introduced in Cambodia, sugary drink
sales
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 dropped by 11% in the first year.
This
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 shows that price increases can influence consumer behaviour. Another reason for
favor
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favour
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 of higher
prices
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 is it can encourage companies to produce healthier
products
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. If the price of sugary
products
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was
Wrong verb form
is
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 expensive
people
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 start to not buy them and that's why companies stop producing sugary meals which will push them to reduce
sugar
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 levels in their
products
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 to keep
sales
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 high. Another example is from Turkey, where after increasing the price of sugary drinks,
sales
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 of high-
sugar
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 beverages dropped by 23%,
while
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sales
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 of low-
sugar
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 alternatives increased. In conclusion, making sugary
products
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 more expensive can help reduce their consumption, encourage healthier choices, and push companies to create better alternatives.
Although
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 some may find it unfair, the long-term health benefits outweigh the disadvantages. Higher
prices
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 can lead to fewer health problems and lower healthcare costs, benefiting both individuals and society.

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task achievement
Consider providing a clearer thesis statement that explicitly states your position on the issue in your introduction.
coherence and cohesion
You could improve the flow of ideas by using more varied cohesive devices to link your paragraphs and ideas.
task achievement
Make sure to include specific examples that relate directly to the points you are making to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
Your essay clearly outlines the advantages of making sugary products more expensive, demonstrating an understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
You have structured the essay well, with clear paragraphs dedicated to specific arguments and examples.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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