IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many people say smoking should be banned, however, some say it is not a good idea. Discuss both of these views and give your opinion

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There is an ongoing debate about whether smoking should be banned.
While
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 some argue that banning smoking is necessary for the
health
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 and well-being of society, others believe it is not a good idea.
This
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 essay will discuss both views and will be finished by adding my own opinion.
First,
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smoking is harmful to both smokers and
non-smokers
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. Research has shown that smoking is a leading cause of various diseases
such
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 as lung cancer, heart disease, and respiratory problems. Secondhand
smoke
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 is
also
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 dangerous, as
non-smokers
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 who are exposed to it can suffer from similar
health
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 issues.
For example
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, in public places like restaurants and parks,
non-smokers
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 can accidentally inhale
smoke
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, which can affect their
health
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.
Therefore
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, banning smoking in
such
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 places would protect the general public and encourage healthier habits.
However
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, it is important to recognize that smoking is a personal choice. Banning it completely could be seen as an infringement on individual freedom. Some people argue that adults should have the right to decide whether or not they want to
smoke
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 in private areas.
For instance
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, smokers who choose to
smoke
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 in their homes or designated smoking areas should not be forced to stop. In conclusion,
while
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 smoking should be banned in public places to protect the
health
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 of
non-smokers
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, it is important to allow individuals the freedom to make their own choices in private settings. A balanced approach would ensure both public
health
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 and personal liberty are respected.

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task achievement
Consider incorporating a more nuanced discussion of the arguments for and against banning smoking, perhaps addressing counterarguments in each view to deepen the analysis.
coherence cohesion
While the essay flows reasonably well, using more cohesive devices throughout could strengthen the linking of ideas between sentences and paragraphs.
structure
The essay has a clear structure, with a concise introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a well-defined conclusion.
examples
The use of relevant examples, such as the impact of secondhand smoke in public places, effectively supports your arguments.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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