IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people argue that all experimentation on animals is bad and should be outlawed. However, others believe that important scientific discoveries can be made from animal experiments. Can experimentation on animals be justified? Are there any alternatives?

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Many people are concerned about experimenting on animals and want to impose a ban on
this
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 practice.
On the other hand
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, many believe it is required for
scientfic
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scientific
 innovations.
Although
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 there might be some alternatives emerging, I contend that
a
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apply
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limited experimentation with
balanced
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a balanced
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 approach is imperative for
the
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apply
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modern research. Humankind has made remarkable progress in scientific and medical fields in
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last
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the last
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 two centuries and animal tests have been a major contributor to
this
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 progress.
For instance
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, all new medicines are first tried on rats and monkeys to test their efficacy before they are tested on humans.
For example
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, flu injections were first applied to monkeys to measure and analyse the results. These trials on animals have enabled significant progress in medical science, saving countless human lives.
However
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, critics oppose it citing
cruelity
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cruelty
on
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to
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 innocent mammals, who are brought from their natural habitat and put in cages for studies. A few of them suffer from
unintendend
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unintended
 consequences or side effects of these assays. There are a few
alterate
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alternative
 options emerging
such
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 as computer modelling, which models the results of the assays with the usage of advanced algorithms.
However
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, these
softwares
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software
 have not yet proven to demonstrate promising results, indicating they need to be refined
futher
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further
 to replace the traditional methodologies.
Nevertheless
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, the ethical concerns raised by people are valid and genuine, and I believe animals should be used in a humane and emphatic way for scientific studies until more practical alternatives emerge.

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task achievement
Consider providing a clearer thesis statement in the introduction that outlines your position regarding animal experimentation more explicitly.
task achievement
Ensure that all examples are relevant and thoroughly explained to strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Improve transitions between paragraphs and ideas to enhance the logical flow of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Clarify the conclusion to succinctly summarize your stance and possibly suggest steps moving forward.
task achievement
You presented a balanced view of both sides of the argument, which shows critical thinking.
task achievement
Your use of specific examples, such as flu injections tested on monkeys, supports your argument effectively.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction clearly sets the context for the discussion, engaging the reader.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • scientific breakthroughs
  • ethical concerns
  • alternatives
  • animal testing
  • moral implications
  • ethical considerations
  • vivisection
  • research methods
  • ethical dilemmas
  • animal welfare
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