IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

the crime rate nowadays is decreasing compared to the past due to advance technology which can prevent and solve crimeDo you agree or disagree?

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In
the
Correct article usage
apply
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recent era,
number
Change the article
the number
show examples
 of
offence
Fix the agreement mistake
offences
show examples
are
Verb problem
has
show examples
declining
Wrong verb form
declined
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 as it was in the olden days
as a result
Linking Words
 of
technology
Replace the word
technological
show examples
 development which helps in crime prevention. I
do
Verb problem
apply
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completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement and
this
Linking Words
 essay will detail the reasons why To commence with, the first and foremost justification is that these days most of the houses have security cameras and alarm systems which
scared
Wrong verb form
scare
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 the thief to get caught.
For instance
Linking Words
, there are installed
lazer
Correct your spelling
laser
 light beams on the boundaries of homes that get activated and produce sound if someone
cross
Change the verb form
crosses
show examples
 through them .
Moreover
Linking Words
,
currently
Add a comma
currently,
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due to
Linking Words
variety
Correct article usage
a variety
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 of
gadgets
Add a comma
gadgets,
show examples
 there are wide range of security cameras which are useful for architects to design
building
Fix the agreement mistake
buildings
show examples
 in
such
Linking Words
 a way that no one can recognize surveillance
camera
Fix the agreement mistake
cameras
show examples
 easily. On the
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 side, many companies have designed and manufactured machines that
comes
Change the verb form
come
show examples
 with the set up of GPS
such
Linking Words
 as cars, motorbikes, watches , mobile phones and so on . We can track the ground location of these things through GPS at any place and time via
Add an article
the internet
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internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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.
This
Linking Words
 helps to find any lost item in
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 hours as there is no need to search and investigate
about
Change preposition
apply
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the object since the location is easily accessible.
In addition
Linking Words
,
due to
Linking Words
rise
Correct article usage
the rise
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 in
use
Correct article usage
the use
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 of digital money people no longer carry cash with them
ik
Correct your spelling
the
 consequence count of pocketpickers
have
Change the verb form
has
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 dropped significantly.
To conclude
Linking Words
, technological advancement plays a great role in reducing unlawful across
as well as
Linking Words
 figuring out
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
crime in
more
Add an article
a more
show examples
 efficient way.

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Task Achievement
Improve the introduction by clearly stating the topic and your stance in a more structured manner. For example, include a brief overview of why technology aids in crime reduction.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use linking phrases more effectively within and between paragraphs to enhance the flow of ideas. For instance, transitions like 'Furthermore' or 'In addition' could help connect your points better.
Task Achievement
Expand on some of your examples with more detail or context. Explain briefly how security measures like cameras deter crime or how digital money leads to reduced theft.
Task Achievement
The essay clearly states a position agreeing with the statement, which is important for task response.
Task Achievement
Some relevant examples regarding technology's impact on crime are provided, which showcases your understanding of the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
The overall structure of the essay is present, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is positive for coherence.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • crime rate
  • technological advancements
  • CCTV cameras
  • public spaces
  • monitoring
  • criminals
  • law enforcement
  • predicting
  • preventing
  • resources
  • high-risk areas
  • collaboration
  • effective
  • deterrent
  • alarm systems
  • smart home devices
  • decrease
  • solving crime
What to do next:
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