IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some cultures appear to give preference to older people than younger people while other cultures seem to prefer the younger generation. Which do you think is better? Discuss including examples from your own knowledge and experience.

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It is undeniable that the old are preferred in some countries,
while
Linking Words
 some individuals consider the young
is
Wrong verb form
to be
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 the mainstay in the country. In my opinion, I strongly contend that the younger generation should be emphasized owing to they are more innovative and exploratory than older
people
Use synonyms
. On the one hand, in some Asian countries,
such
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 as Korea, Japan, and Vietnam,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
old
people
Use synonyms
 are usually respected because they experienced a lot.
For instance
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, when family members
gain
Verb problem
work
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 together to do housework, like washing dishes, eating food, and sleeping, the oldest person often has privileges before everyone. Other members should
wait
Add the preposition
wait for
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 their grandfather or grandmother,
finished
Change the verb form
to finish
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 the rituals as a local custom.
Although
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 the old
people
Use synonyms
 as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
famed
leader
Fix the agreement mistake
leaders
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 in society can keep steady development and cultural continuity, they lose some innovative ability to transform their society.
On the other hand
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, younger generations often get extra focus in some Western countries, like France and England.
For example
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, the proportion of young entrepreneurs
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 the majority in the total. And some famous universities have set
Change preposition
up a
show examples
a mount
Correct your spelling
amount
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 of organizations to support student entrepreneurs. Because they are regarded as the symbol of adventure, innovation, and exploration in the nation.
Additionally
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, some presidents and prime ministers are
also
Linking Words
 younger
people
Use synonyms
.   In conclusion, I believe that in certain nations, recognizing the younger generations is crucial
due to
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 their significant contributions to the advancement of the country.
Favoring
Change the spelling
Favouring
show examples
 the younger generation can lead to rapid technological adoption and a dynamic workforce, benefiting the economy and societal advancement.

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task achievement
Your introduction is clear, and your opinion is stated well. However, you might consider rephrasing 'I strongly contend that' to something simpler, like 'I believe that'.
coherence and cohesion
In your essay, you can enhance the logical structure by adding more linking phrases to connect your ideas smoothly. For example, using 'Furthermore' or 'In addition' can help your arguments flow better.
task achievement
While you provided examples, elaborating on them further could help strengthen your arguments. For instance, you could discuss specific innovations or achievements of the younger generation that have substantially impacted society.
task achievement
You effectively express your opinion on the preference of younger generations and provide examples from different cultures, showcasing a good understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is well-structured with distinct paragraphs for each main point, making it easy to follow.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • elders
  • decision-makers
  • continuity
  • stability
  • innovative
  • entrepreneurs
  • societal progress
  • mentorship
  • intergenerational
  • experience and wisdom
  • traditional values
  • social unity
  • extended family systems
  • technological adoption
  • dynamic workforce
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