IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that visiting other countries (for travel or academic exchange) is the best way to learn about foreign cultures, while others argue that language study is essential. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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In an increasingly globalized world, understanding foreign cultures has become imperative.
While
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 some advocate for
language
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 acquisition as the cornerstone of cultural immersion, others contend that firsthand experiences through
visits
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 are more impactful.
This
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 essay will examine both perspectives before concluding that a combination of both approaches is optimal. On the one hand,
language
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 proficiency undeniably facilitates deeper cultural comprehension. Mastering a
language
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 allows individuals to access authentic resources,
such
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 as literature, films, and oral traditions, which are often lost in translation.
For instance
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, Japanese haiku poetry relies heavily on linguistic nuances that non-speakers may fail to appreciate.
Furthermore
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,
language
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 enables meaningful interactions with locals, fostering empathy and dismantling stereotypes. A study by the British Council revealed that 68% of expatriates attributed their successful cultural adaptation to
language
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 skills.
On the other hand
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, immersive experiences through travel or academic exchanges offer unparalleled practical insights. Visiting a country exposes learners to subtleties like body
language
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, social etiquette, and daily rituals—elements rarely captured in textbooks. The "Silk Road" academic exchange program,
for example
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, has enabled students to grasp the interplay of Eurasian cultures through direct observation. Economically, cultural tourism
also
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 stimulates mutual understanding; UNESCO reports that heritage sites with visitor engagement programs see a 40% higher retention of indigenous traditions.
However
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, the dichotomy between
language
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 and
visits
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 is a false one. In reality, the synergy of both yields the richest outcomes. Consider anthropologists: they conduct fieldwork (
visits
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) but
also
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 undergo rigorous
language
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 training to interpret local narratives accurately.
Similarly
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, programs like Erasmus+ combine
language
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 courses with study abroad, producing globally competent graduates. In conclusion,
while
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language
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 learning and physical
visits
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 each have distinct merits, their integration offers the most holistic path to cultural literacy. Policymakers and educators should
therefore
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 promote dual-method programs to prepare individuals for a borderless future.

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task achievement
While the essay effectively introduces the topic and presents both sides of the argument, it could benefit from a more explicit statement of your personal opinion in the introduction. This inclusion would help set a clearer expectation for the reader.
coherence and cohesion
To enhance coherence, consider using more varied linking phrases to connect your ideas more smoothly. This will help to guide the reader through your arguments more effectively.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates a sophisticated understanding of the topic, integrating relevant examples and insights that support your arguments well. The use of data, such as the British Council study and the reference to UNESCO reports, adds credibility to your points.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is impressive, with clear paragraphs that each focus on a specific aspect of the discussion. This organization aids the reader’s understanding and keeps the argument focused.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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