IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Smoking is a major cause of serious illness and death throughout the world today. In the interest of the public heath, governments should ban cigarettes and other tobacco products. Do you agree or disagree?

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There are widely different views on the issue of whether smoking
tobacco
Use synonyms
 and cigarettes should be banned in society or not. Some people would contend that it is their right to smoke and prohibiting cigarettes would be against their human rights. I personally would argue that
tobacco
Use synonyms
 should indeed be forbidden.There are two primary reasons for
this
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. First of all, I believe it is an absolutely pivotal fact that
tobacco
Use synonyms
 is a drug, and the majority of governments around the world are trying to overcome substance abuse. If they want to achieve their goals, they should consider that
tobacco
Use synonyms
 must be banned as well.
Moreover
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, some drugs
such
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 as Marijuana and Heroin have legitimate medical usage,
while
Linking Words
tobacco
Use synonyms
 has nothing.
Further
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 and more importantly, though, it is in the interest of society that the mentioned substance becomes an illicit drug
due to
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 the extreme cost it brings to governments and insurance companies.
Nevertheless
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, it should be considered that cigarettes lead to lung cancer and heart disease.
Hence
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, I would suggest that the rights of the community in large amounts must override those of individuals. After that, countries should create some rules for those who are addicted to
tobacco
Use synonyms
 products.
For instance
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, make some places for them to consume it and observe their behaviours to decrease any problems that might happen. By way of conclusion, I once again reaffirm my position which is in the near future it is unlikely that the widespread prohibition of smoking become low,
although
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 it should be considered as an ultimate goal.

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Task Achievement
Consider clarifying your position more strongly in the introduction. You mention both sides, but clearly stating your stance upfront can enhance clarity.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your conclusion could benefit from a clearer summary of the main points you've made. Additionally, expanding on what you mean by 'ultimate goal' could provide more insight.
Task Achievement
More specific examples, especially regarding the societal costs of smoking, would strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that your paragraphs flow smoothly from one idea to the next. Some transitions might need improvement to enhance readability.
Coherence and Cohesion
You clearly articulate your argument and present logical reasons for your position, which demonstrates sound critical thinking.
Task Achievement
Your acknowledgement of different viewpoints adds depth to your essay and shows a balanced approach to the issue.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • mortality rate
  • chronic diseases
  • healthcare costs
  • resource allocation
  • cultural shift
  • addiction
  • personal choice
  • government regulation
  • black market
  • nicotine replacement therapies
  • health education campaigns
  • smoking-related illnesses
  • respiratory problems
  • second-hand smoke
  • disease prevention
  • legislation
  • social influence
  • norms
  • public awareness
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