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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Question: Some people say that the most important thing for parents to do is to spend time communicating with their children. Others think that providing food and comfort are more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

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There is no doubt that, these days, several people think that the most essential thing for families to do is to devote time
Use synonyms
communication
Change preposition
to communication
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 with
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 kids. At the same time, others suppose that offering foodstuffs and comfort are more crucial. The question is: which steps are the major interest for parents
?.
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?
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This
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 article totally
agree
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agrees
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 with the second statement. In
this
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 essay, we will discuss both points of view. In terms of the positives of the talking side, the main reason given to support
this
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 claim is the importance of teaching
communication
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 skills to children.
becasue
Correct your spelling
because
, it is necessary for them in their first years to
talking
Wrong verb form
talk
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 with their environment.
Furthermore
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,
The
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apply
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speaking abilities require many years of
practicing
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practising
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 to reach a natural level of
communication
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 skills.
for example
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, statistics provided by Harvard University in 2021 showed the average period that kids need
it
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apply
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to earn a suitable level of
communicate
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communication
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 with others. the time needed was five to seven years of progress teaching. Highlighting the importance of
this
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 step in language
develompent
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development
.
on the other hand
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, numerous parents hold the opposite view it is not
important
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as important
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 as
the
Correct article usage
apply
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other interests
such
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 as food and entertainment. because
,
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apply
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 they think that total development will occur anyway.
In addition
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, they believe a common advice which says
the
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that
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 happiness is the first catalyst for children to improve themselves.
according to
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 a survey by the ASF
japanese centre
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Japanese Centre
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at the end
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 of 2010 indicated
to
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apply
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the percentage of influence of providing food and
others
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other
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 requirements. the outcome was about 60%.
consequently
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,
this
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reflect
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reflects
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 the importance of
this
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 step
to sum up
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, it is necessary to balance between both sides and monitor the improvement of their
abillities
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abilities
.In my opinion,
while
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communication
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 is important, providing comfort and essential needs should be the priority for most families.

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task achievement
Clarify your thesis statement and make your opinion clearer in the introduction. Ensure that the main ideas related to your argument are well defined.
coherence
Improve the organization of your ideas to enhance the logical flow. Use more transitional phrases to connect your points.
task achievement
Try to expand your examples and provide more specific evidence to support your points. This will strengthen your argument and make it more persuasive.
task achievement
You addressed both views and provided an opinion, which is essential for this type of essay.
task achievement
The essay touches on important aspects of child development, demonstrating an understanding of the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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