IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Only 20% of Tech Jobs are Held by Women. What problems do women face that prevent them from getting these jobs and what must be done to change this situation?

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Technology has become a basic need in peoples' lives.
However
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, it is noticed that there are less numbers of
women
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 working in technological jobs. Many reasons may discourage
women
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 from being involved in
this
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 field,
such
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 as maternity and
work
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environment
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. In
this
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 essay, I will explain those reasons and suggest solutions that can help increase
women
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's participation in tech jobs. Maternity is a great role that
women
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 play in society.
However
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,
this
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 may limit their
work
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 opportunities. As some employers do not prefer
women
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 in certain positions
such
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 as technology positions.
For example
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, an IT company require the staff to be alerted 24 hours and take night and morning shifts in order to
gurantee
Correct your spelling
guarantee
 solving any unexpected problem directly. Men are always available to be on call,
while
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 it is difficult to call a mother for an urgent issue. Ladies would always prefer the easy
environment
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 that suits their characteristics. Another main reason is the
work
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environment
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.
Women
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 prefer a social workplace rather than a rigid one.
For example
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, more female teachers are found in schools because of the friendly community they find not only inside the school
,
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apply
show examples
 but
also
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 with the parents. In conclusion, maternity and the
work
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environment
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 are key reasons for the low percentage of
women
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's enrollment in the tech field.
However
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, serious solutions
such
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 as having nurseries and adding some social activities to the workplace will encourage
women
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 to engage more in
this
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 field.

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task achievement
Consider providing more detailed examples to support your arguments, especially in terms of statistics or case studies that highlight women's experiences in tech jobs.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to maintain a clear logical flow throughout the essay, connecting sentences and paragraphs smoothly. Use more linking words to enhance cohesion between ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure to avoid minor spelling errors, such as 'gurantee,' as these can detract from the overall professionalism of the essay.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt appropriately by discussing the reasons for the underrepresentation of women in tech jobs and suggests solutions, which is a strong strength.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction clearly outlines the main points that will be discussed, setting a good foundation for the essay structure.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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