IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Research into new types of medicine and treatments are essential to improve health and deal with diseases. Who do you think should fund these researches : private companies, individuals or the government ?

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Advancement
Fix the agreement mistake
Advancements
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 in technology gives
boon
Add an article
a boon
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 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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human's
Change noun form
human
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 life. It is crucial that we need to improve the health system and some
investment
Fix the agreement mistake
investments
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 in the science field so, that we can deal with diseases. The debate
arise
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arises
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 on the question arise that who would
be raise
Change the verb form
raise
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 the
fund
Fix the agreement mistake
funds
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; people, private companies or
the
Correct article usage
apply
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high authorities.

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task achievement
The introduction should clearly state your main argument or position regarding who should fund the research. Try to make your stance more explicit.
coherence
Improve the logical flow by organizing your paragraphs more clearly. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea that supports your overall argument.
task achievement
Add specific examples to support your points. For instance, mention how government funding has succeeded in the past or how private companies innovate treatments.
task achievement
You've identified an important topic that needs discussion and raised relevant entities that could fund research.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • funding
  • research
  • treatments
  • healthcare system
  • public health
  • private companies
  • government funding
  • individual contributions
  • clinical trials
  • non-profit organizations
  • collaboration
  • innovation
  • mixed funding model
  • diseases
  • health concerns
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