IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Many young people say that mobile phones are the most important object that they own. Does the popularity of mobile phones among young people have more advantages or disadvantages?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Youngsters
says
Change the verb form
say
show examples
 that cell phones are
vital
Add an article
a vital
the vital
show examples
 device that they
owns
Change the verb form
own
show examples
. Mobile phones being famous among young people have equal pros and cons in my perspective. Both the advantages and disadvantages are explained in the ensuing paragraphs. The foremost advantage is
,
Correct word choice
that, younger
show examples
younger
Add an article
the younger
show examples
generation
Use synonyms
 is well known for being up to date with modern technologies
due to
Linking Words
 cell devices.
Thus
Linking Words
, they can help their parents in
copeing
Correct your spelling
coping
coming
 up with
latest
Correct article usage
the latest
show examples
 technologies usage.
For example
Linking Words
, children of age between 15-20 , guide parents to use
live
Correct article usage
the live
show examples
 location feature if they are stuck in traffic or unknown place visiting for the very first time.
Hence
Linking Words
, it works as
road
Add an article
a road
the road
show examples
 map for adults to learn from
younger
Correct article usage
the younger
show examples
generation
Use synonyms
 about electronic gadgets.
Additionally
Linking Words
, it involves
modern
Correct article usage
the modern
show examples
generation
Use synonyms
 in socializing with other members of the society.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are several drawbacks
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the situation. The prime is,
it
Correct word choice
that it
show examples
 affects the
eye sight
Correct your spelling
eyesight
show examples
 of the upcoming
generation
Use synonyms
 as they are too much
indulge
Fix the infinitive
to indulge
show examples
 in mobiles for various activities that are meaningless.
To conclude
Linking Words
, the
ration
Correct your spelling
ratio
show examples
 of
knowing
Verb problem
apply
show examples
mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 is considerable among
new
Add an article
the new
a new
show examples
generation
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, it has several benefits and disadvantages.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Enhance the introduction by clearly stating your position on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages or vice versa. This will guide the reader about your overall argument.
task achievement
Make sure to develop your points further. The first point about technology helping parents could be expanded with more examples or explanation of how it is beneficial.
task achievement
In the drawbacks section, specify more about how mobile phone use affects eyesight in terms of time spent on screens, or activities like gaming and social media that contribute to this issue.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the flow of ideas by using transition words to connect your sentences and paragraphs more smoothly. For instance, use words like 'furthermore', 'in addition', or 'however' to enhance coherence.
coherence and cohesion
Consider checking for grammatical accuracy and correcting issues such as subject-verb agreement. For instance, 'says' should be 'say', and 'owns' should be 'own'.
content
The essay presents a balanced view on the topic, acknowledging both advantages and disadvantages of mobile phones among young people.
content
The examples provided, such as guiding parents with technology, demonstrate real-life applications of the discussed benefits.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: