IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

some university students want to learn additional subject with their main. discuss both views

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Many university
students
Use synonyms
 prefer learning extra
subjects
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in addition
Linking Words
 to main
subjects
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.
Followed
Wrong verb form
Following
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 by,
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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 think that it is necessary to take all time and power to learn priority
subjects
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. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
students
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 should pay attention to studying and take deep knowledge
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 main
subjects
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. Nowadays in
modern
Add an article
the modern
show examples
 educational system at universities in
Kazakhstan
Add a comma
Kazakhstan,
show examples
students
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studied
Wrong verb form
study
show examples
 by
credit
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program
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.
This
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 approach assumes that there are main
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
 and
additional
Change the article
an additional
the additional
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 number of
subjects
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which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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chosen by
students
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 individually.
However
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, studying by
this
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 approach
take
Change the verb form
takes
show examples
 a long time and more attention.
For example
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, I studied at
medical
Correct article usage
a medical
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 university and we had basic
subjects
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 and extra that did not include medicine. Now I know
biseness
Correct your spelling
business
 planning, management,
some
Correct word choice
and some
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 knowledge in HR. Based on my experience I think that
this
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knowledge
Add a verb
knowledge is
knowledge was
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 unnecessary. On the other side, before
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credit
Correct article usage
the credit
show examples
 system in Kazakhstan
used to
Verb problem
it was
show examples
 studied by
lining
Correct article usage
the lining
show examples
program
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. In
this
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 type of
education
Add a comma
education,
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students
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 concentrate only on basic
subjects
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 without
opportunity
Add an article
the opportunity
an opportunity
show examples
 to
choice
Replace the word
choose
show examples
 interesting
subjects
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. The curriculum only consists of
lections
Correct your spelling
lectures
show examples
 and practical hours.
Linking Words
Although
Correct word choice
However
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,
students
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 cannot develop creative thinking.
Nevertheless
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,
this
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 approach helps to concentrate only on the main
subjects
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 which can achieve good qualification in future and maintain all possibilities. In conclusion, there are different approaches
in
Change preposition
to
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 educational programs at universities.
In our
Change preposition
Our
show examples
 country
used
Wrong verb form
uses
show examples
credit
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 educational
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program
Fix the agreement mistake
programs
show examples
.
This
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 methodical tool develops brain activities in all sites. In my opinion,
Use synonyms
credit
Correct article usage
the credit
show examples
program
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 works
efficient
Change the word
efficiently
show examples
, but there are several
Correct quantifier usage
pieces of advices
show examples
advices
Correct your spelling
advice
 based on my experience which should
be implement
Change the verb form
be implemented
show examples
 in the future. The curriculum should consist of only
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
connected
subjects
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 which have a significant role in a qualification.

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task achievement
The introduction could be clearer in outlining the arguments that will be discussed in the essay. Consider rephrasing to state both views explicitly.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that the main points are well-supported with clear examples and explanations. The connection between personal experience and the argument should be more explicit.
coherence and cohesion
Work on sentence structure and grammar for better clarity. For example, correct 'it is necessary to take all time and power' to 'it is necessary to dedicate all time and effort.'
task achievement
In the conclusion, summarize the main points more concisely to reinforce your opinion without introducing new ideas.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear opinion, which is good for task response.
coherence and cohesion
The inclusion of personal experience adds a unique perspective to the argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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