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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that it is better for high school students to study a wide range of subjects than to focus on a narrow range of subjects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays, it is argued that high school
students
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 need to study a wide range of
subjects
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instead
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 of focusing on a narrow range of
subjects
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. The positives are higher knowledge and a variety of choices
while
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 the negatives are overburden and lack of specialisation on a particular
subject
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, both views will be discussed in
this
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 essay.
To begin
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 with, there are two main reasons why
this
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 is a good idea.
Firstly
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,
students
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 if exposed to a variety of
subjects
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then
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 their field of knowledge would widen.
Furthermore
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, pupils would have a plethora of courses to choose from to pursue their tertiary education.
Secondly
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,
students
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 would feel that their high school is much easier than before since they wouldn't go deep into the
subject
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.
For example
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,
according to
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 a study conducted by an educational organisation,over 75% of
students
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 submitted that they would benefit from
such
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 an educational system.
On the other hand
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, there are certain drawbacks to
this
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 system namely overburden and lack of in-depth knowledge on a particular
subject
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.
Moreover
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, pupils might
also
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 be stressed
due to
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 the increase in the number of
subjects
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 they have to learn. Even though
,
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apply
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 they might benefit from the increase in the number of choices of tertiary courses to choose from,
this
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 wouldn't matter since they would lack specialisation
on
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in
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 a particular
subject
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 which in turn will make them ill-equipped to pursue tertiary education.
For instance
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,
according to
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 a study conducted by Harvard
university
Capitalize word
University
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,
students
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 who had
less
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fewer
show examples
subjects
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 to learn in their high school excelled in their
further
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 studies. In conclusion,
such
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 systems shouldn't be encouraged as they would negatively affect the
pupils
Change to a genitive case
pupil's
pupils'
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 education
as well as
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 their future.
Therefore
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, I completely disagree with the statement
and
Correct word choice
that
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 better educational systems should be implemented to ensure
a better future endeavours
Correct the article-noun agreement
better future endeavours
a better future endeavour
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of
Change preposition
for
show examples
students
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.

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Task Achievement
While you presented both sides of the argument, elaborating further on your points would provide clearer support for your stance. Aim to develop your ideas more fully.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure to maintain consistency in your supporting arguments. Clearly linking back to the topic can improve your logical flow.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which makes it easy to follow.
Task Achievement
The use of examples, such as studies, strengthens your arguments and provides context to your claims.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • well-rounded
  • interdisciplinary
  • curriculum
  • specialization
  • mastery
  • core curriculum
  • elective options
  • educational systems
  • extracurricular activities
  • job market trends
  • skill set
  • academic rigor
  • vocational skills
  • cognitive flexibility
  • career trajectory
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