IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

some believe that the government should support atrists like musicians painters and poets while others argue that this is a misuse of funds Discuss both views and give your own opinion

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There is an idea supported by some people that authorities are supposed to help workers of the cultural sphere like musicians, painters, and poets,
whereas
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 there is an opposite version which says it is just spending finances aimlessly. I think, if artists need something, the government has to help them and here are some reasons for that. To talk about the disadvantages of supporting musicians, poets, and painters, I should say that
works
Correct article usage
the works
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 of these people cannot be seen in a short period, it has been so always. Only a few artists’ creations became famous and were admitted by the world as the greatest, but most of them are still staying and waiting for their moment.
For instance
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: beautiful songs and melodies composed by one of the greatest German composers Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart became popular after a century of his death. It means
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 the support that was given to actors may not show its result even after decades, and it is possible that none of us can reach those moments. To justify sponsorship for the art, it is undeniable that characters are an essential part of every society, and their works inspire others
,
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apply
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 and afford them to broaden their horizons.
Moreover
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, it would be a mistake
not to mention
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 that the majority of the famous list came across poverty and some of them lived so until their death. Here is a problem, there is a fact that some spheres
such
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 as sports, culture, and science cannot develop in conditions of lack of financial resources.
history
Capitalize word
History
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 shows the number of periods when these subjects were on the verge of disappearing. Of course, it influenced society badly and it took a long time to teach them cultural life.
Correct your spelling
In spite
Inspite
Correct your spelling
In spite
 of the downward, I am certain that the government must support the development of art
due to
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 its benefits

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coherence and cohesion
Work on improving the clarity and logical flow of your arguments. Make sure to express your ideas in a sequential manner to help the reader follow your reasoning.
task achievement
Enhance your introduction by clearly stating your stance on the issue. This will help guide your reader and provide a stronger foundation for your argument.
task achievement
Add more specific examples and elaboration in order to strengthen your arguments and make them more compelling. This will also demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the complexity of the issue regarding government support for artists.
task achievement
You have made some good points about the historical context of artists and their struggles, which adds depth to your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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