IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The tendency of news reports in the media to focus more on problems and emergencies than on positive developments is harmful to individuals and the society as a whole. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The topic of displaying societal concerns and emergencies more on social as compared to optimistic
news
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 has become
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
debatable
due to
Linking Words
 its detrimental impact on
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, in my opinion, a balanced approach
incorporates
Correct pronoun usage
that incorporates
show examples
 both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
practices would be an effective manner of
news
Use synonyms
 publishing. Analysing the statement and moving
further
Linking Words
, the first and foremost reason behind excessive
emphasizing
Replace the word
emphasis
show examples
 on
crisis
Add an article
the crisis
show examples
 by media is to prevent
occurrence
Add an article
the occurrence
show examples
 of awful activities in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society, showing
news
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as related to robbery, crimes, and drugs, are allowing people to escape
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
from wrongdoings. Another striking benefit in
this
Linking Words
 regard is that
news
Use synonyms
 including weather forecasting, natural disasters, and worldwide wars inform the people
beforehandedly
Correct your spelling
beforehand
 about their
dentrimental
Correct your spelling
detrimental
 consequences and even tell appropriate solutions to prevent
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
extreme loss.
For example
Linking Words
, a survey
has been
Verb problem
apply
show examples
conducted
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
  Oxford
university
Capitalize word
University
show examples
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
London
last
Linking Words
 year, depicted that almost 70% loss of life and property has been saved
everytime
Replace the word
every time
show examples
 by predicting disasters priorly by
press
Add an article
the press
show examples
.
Conversely
Linking Words
, proving ahead one of the main underlying reasons stems from the fact that  lack of encouraging
news
Use synonyms
 in newspapers or magazines contributes to
develop
Replace the word
the development of
show examples
pessimistic
Add an article
the pessimistic
a pessimistic
show examples
 mindset of readers. To explain it,
Correct article usage
the indessant
show examples
indessant
Correct your spelling
incessant
 spreading of displeased updates not only
evolve
Correct subject-verb agreement
evolves
show examples
 fear in readers but
also
Linking Words
 decrease the
criosity
Correct your spelling
curiosity
 of reading reports on
daily
Correct article usage
a daily
show examples
 basis. Moving
further
Linking Words
, it is pertinent to mention that
news
Use synonyms
 related to job opportunities, benefits of living healthy lives, and therapeutic information, assists people
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 uplifting their mood
along with
Linking Words
 stress reduction, increasing happiness and holistic development, which is utmost crucial for future
brightning
Correct your spelling
brightening
. 
To conclude
Linking Words
, after analyzing
aforementioned
Correct article usage
the aforementioned
show examples
 arguments, one can reach the conclusion that
although
Linking Words
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
 of presenting adverse updates in terms of raising community awareness are too great to negate.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
,
splendid
Correct article usage
the splendid
show examples
 effects of
favorable
Change the spelling
favourable
show examples
 broadcasting like lowering anxiety,  should not be overlooked.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
adoption
Correct article usage
the adoption
show examples
 of a rational way is incredibly commendable.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly states your opinion more directly and succinctly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to improve the logical flow of ideas by using more cohesive devices and linking phrases between sentences and paragraphs.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific details or examples to support your main points, especially for the benefits of negative news reporting.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Task Achievement
Good use of examples to support the main points made regarding the role of media and societal awareness.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • news reports
  • media focus
  • negative news
  • positive developments
  • stress and anxiety
  • skewed perception of reality
  • world view
  • desensitization
  • pessimistic outlook
  • general public
  • mental well-being
  • proactive problem-solving
  • holistic view
  • informed decision-making
What to do next:
Look at other essays: