IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that young people should spend more of their free time at home with their families, and spend less time entertaining outside. Others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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The new generation of workers
believe
Change the verb form
believes
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 that change organisations are better at developing themselves by
including
Verb problem
apply
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rapidly increasing the amount of salary.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some people still trust that working in the same place for a long time is more effective in part of the enhancement way unless, they have significant problems to be moved out
such
Linking Words
 as parents' sickness, watching children, or married life.
Firstly
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, there are a lot of benefits from changing organisations
for example
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, gaining faster income and position compared with staying in the same company, meeting with new office culture and friends, or learning to job in a different industry which are the main reasons to decide resignation on currently work.
However
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, it
also
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 has negative sides from
this
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 concept like overstepping through either money or job position which causes one to
unprepared
Add a missing verb
be unprepared
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both
Change preposition
for both
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 knowledge and experience or will not find a suitable place
due to
Linking Words
 changing work too often. By the way, those disadvantage results make some people concerned and start to do
this
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 organisation longer than before.
In addition
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,
this
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 opinion
also
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 has positive sides ,
for instance
Linking Words
, better relationships with boss, colleagues, or
partner
Fix the agreement mistake
partners
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,
deep
Correct article usage
a deep
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 understanding of the industry, or hugely increasing
bonus
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bonuses
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each year.
Although
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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 these kinds of
human
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humans
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is
Verb problem
apply
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a specialist
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
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 in each type of business , if they work in another business, they will be suddenly a newcomer to
this
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 town. In conclusion, both views have different advantages and disadvantages
outcome
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outcomes
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 which might extremely impact or lightly affect each body.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, you need to find the most efficient and suitable way belong you and get the most effectiveness in terms of improvement and income.

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structure
The introduction and conclusion could be clearer and more focused. Ensure that the introduction outlines the main points that will be discussed in the essay and that the conclusion effectively summarizes those points.
coherence
Improve the logical flow of your arguments. Work on making the connections between ideas clearer, as some sentences feel disconnected. This will enhance the overall plan of the essay.
task achievement
Include specific examples to support your points. This will strengthen your arguments and illustrate your ideas more effectively, making them more relatable to the reader.
language
Pay attention to grammar and sentence structure to enhance clarity. Some sentences are a bit convoluted, making it challenging for readers to follow your argument.
content
You demonstrate an ability to discuss both views regarding job changes, showing awareness of different perspectives.
content
You provide some insightful points about the pros and cons of changing organizations versus staying with one, highlighting important aspects of both viewpoints.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • bond
  • nurture
  • meaningful
  • connection
  • independence
  • decision-making skills
  • well-rounded
  • personal preferences
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