In many countries around the world, young people decide to leave their parents’ home once they finish school. They start living on their own or sharing a home with friends. Is this a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answers and include relevant examples.

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In most countries of the world, teenagers prefer to be far away from their
parents
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' houses when they complete school. These humans continue to live on their own or to share a house with their related individuals.
This
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essay will reveal which benefits young people can get in
this
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case,
as well as
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what kind of negative aspects are able to
be encountered
Wrong verb form
encounter
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by
Change preposition
apply
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them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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. On the one hand, individuals who do not have
more
Correct word choice
older
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ages believe that after a certain year, their mothers and fathers are obstacles to their future.
Parents
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can be a big problem drastically to their children in certain areas. Maybe these kids have some innovative intentions, but their
parents
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play a
restriction
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restricted
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role for them.
This
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type of restriction comes from
parents
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' concerns about their sons or daughters.
For example
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, in the USA, a teenager who is called Mr.Beast has approximately 230 million subscribers on his YouTube channel. Eight years ago he decided to leave his
parents
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' residence and achieved
this
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goal.
On the other hand
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, avoiding from
parents
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' home is able to posses some different drawbacks.
Although
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people who decide to leave home have a certain age, still need to have some experience and advice from their
parents
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. There are no
any
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
limits to leverage from mothers and fathers, individuals always need help.
For example
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, three years ago in Colombia, two children were found in their house which was apart from
Use synonyms
parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
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. The reason was that they did not regulate the gas level in the kitchen
and
Correct word choice
apply
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it
Correct pronoun usage
which
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came
Verb problem
led
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to
this
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accident. If their mother was in there, they would be safe.
To conclude
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, living apart from
parents
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' home can have some benefits in terms of moving to a new career, but there are different difficulties which expect young people because of the wild world.

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task achievement
The introduction presents the topic but could be clearer in stating the specific positive and negative aspects that will be discussed in the essay. Consider explicitly mentioning these points in your thesis statement.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that paragraphs have a clear topic sentence and that each point is supported with logical reasoning and examples. This will help strengthen your arguments and improve the overall structure of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Be careful with word choice and clarity. Some phrases can be confusing, such as 'these humans' – it's more natural to say 'these young people'. Aim for clearer and more concise language.
supported main points
The use of real-life examples, such as mentioning Mr. Beast, adds relevance and interest to your arguments.
complete response
The essay attempts to explore both sides of the argument, which is a good approach to address the task requirement.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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