Some people think that the main influence on young people's diet is advertising rather than family and friends. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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It is argued that
adolescences'
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adolescents'
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get easily carried away by
the
Correct article usage
apply
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promotional videos or short
stories
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story
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advert
in
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on
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any media platforms, despite having family and friends to encourage them to
eating
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eat
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healthy
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healthily
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. I completely agree that young minds can be challenging to inspire in the midst of all trending
habits
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that circulate influencing a large audience. Fancy
food
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products
,
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apply
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have been trending
due to
Linking Words
catchy advertisements' shown on various media
such
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as televisions, cinemas, Instagram reels, and other platforms.
For example
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, consuming excess
red bull
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Red Bull
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is injuries to our health, but
the
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apply
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adversting
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advertising
companies make it seem
like
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apply
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popular among youngsters as
instant
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an instant
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energy drink.
In addition
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to that, pizza,
burger
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burgers
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and other fast
food
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famous among
people
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that
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apply
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can be
cost effective
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cost-effective
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; and
consequently
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, lead to obesity. Apart from supporting fancy eating
habits
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, it
also
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promotes them with loads of tempting offers to attract customers.
For instance
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, buy one get one free.
People
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value
such
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offers because they not only save money but
also
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give more. Many
people
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survive the whole day drinking coffee or soft
drink
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drinks
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and avoid
eat
Wrong verb form
eating
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healthy
food
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just to fit in
the
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with the
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popular groups.
Although
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, there are adversities that encourage healthy
food
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habits
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like,
oat meals
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oatmeals
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, salads, juice etc.
yet
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apply
show examples
people
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sometime
Replace the word
sometimes
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ignore them
due to
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greater
temptational
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temptation
temptations
offers and
included
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include
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it
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them
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in their meals. To summarize, the advertised
food
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preferences on social media
has
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have
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highly targeted
youngster
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youngsters
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to consume processed
food
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items , that can be unhealthy if
regulary
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regularly
consumed. In my
opinion
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opinion,
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the government must
speard
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spread
awareness
campiagns
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campaigns
toward healthy eating
habits
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among young adults to make
right
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the right
show examples
choices and support family and friends to help navigate
such
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people
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who are inclined towards packet
food
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items.

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task achievement
Your arguments are relevant, but they could be more clearly articulated and better supported with examples. Make sure each point is developed further with more detail.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the logical flow of your ideas. Use linking words and phrases more effectively to connect your thoughts and make the essay easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion could be stronger. Aim to summarize your main arguments more decisively and provide a clear stance on the issue.
task achievement
You provide a clear opinion and position on the topic, indicating your agreement with the statement.
task achievement
The use of examples from contemporary advertising practices shows your awareness of the topic, which enhances your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • dietary choices
  • advertising
  • commercial interests
  • cultural traditions
  • peer influence
  • nutrition awareness
  • targeted marketing
  • endorsement
  • eating habits
  • unhealthy foods
  • social media channels
  • peer pressure
  • influencers
  • persuasive advertisements
  • nutritional knowledge
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