IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Research so that over eating is as harmful to peoples health has smoking there for the advertisements of certain food products should be banned to what extend do you agree or disagree

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Commerical promotions often
presents
Change the verb form
present
show examples
 unhealthy products more than healthy ones, studies
proves
Change the verb form
prove
show examples
 that
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can be very dangerous to human bodies and should neglect these ads on social platforms and
elsewhere
Linking Words
. I completely agree
on
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
Linking Words
 statement.
This
Linking Words
 essay will provide several arguments and examples supporting my argument. Eating more
food
Use synonyms
 than normal can be harmful to our internal organs and to our
overal
Correct your spelling
overall
 health.
Thus
Linking Words
food
Use synonyms
 habits should be controlled in a wise way.
This
Linking Words
 is because
their
Replace the word
there
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 are certain foods that are addictive and injurious to our gut and
intenstine
Correct your spelling
intestine
intestines
 which cause many health issues
such
Linking Words
 as obesity, high blood pressure and many more.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, many
televesions
Correct your spelling
televisions
television
 and companies frequently
displays
Change the verb form
display
show examples
 these items as a good one to increase promotion and to draw more
consumer
Fix the agreement mistake
consumers
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 into them.
For instance
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, junk
food
Use synonyms
 companies
such
Linking Words
 as the Macdonalds and KFC usually trap young teenagers and kids
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their
food
Use synonyms
 items
hence
Linking Words
 children repeatedly anoint their parents to get them these meats. Evidences
also
Linking Words
 suggest that fast foods
gain
Verb problem
cause
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 more cravings which causes binge-eating in individuals and health crises. So, limiting these resources
among
Change preposition
in
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community
Add an article
the community
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 can reduce the spread of diseases
such
Linking Words
 as obesity and digestive problems. To add on, many businessmen and social platforms attract
people
Use synonyms
 by fostering famous
personality
Fix the agreement mistake
personalities
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 and TV stars to encourage their brand and diet.
This
Linking Words
 in return causes the public to go behind their role model actors to consume these bad cuisines and habits which make them sick and weak. Authorities should take legal
actions
Fix the agreement mistake
action
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 as
their
Replace the word
there
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 are many
scientifc
Correct your spelling
scientific
 theories that oppose these fraud trapping and false selling methods in order to save the population.
For example
Linking Words
,
Indian
Correct article usage
the Indian
show examples
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
had
Wrong verb form
has
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 strictly banned many foreign convenience products because the
food
Use synonyms
 inspection community and ministry had stated that
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can cause more problems to
people
Use synonyms
 of all ages and make them unwell in the long run.
To conclude
Linking Words
, investigators
proves
Change the verb form
prove
show examples
 that harmful diet products can make
people
Use synonyms
 ill and
therfore
Correct your spelling
therefore
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 should be banned from social media platforms. I completely agree
on
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
Linking Words
 view, as it is often
publised
Correct your spelling
published
 to
rise
Correct your spelling
raise
show examples
 the
company
Change noun form
company's
show examples
 revenue and fame with the help of social figures which in return
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 fools and get sick
Linking Words
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the end.

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task achievement
Clarify the main argument in the introduction for a stronger impact. While your position is clear, providing a brief overview of your main points can enhance clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure to use a variety of linking words and phrases to enhance the flow between ideas and paragraphs, providing clear connections between your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Be cautious with grammatical accuracy. Focus on proof-reading for typographical errors and grammatical mistakes, as they can distract from the content of your argument.
task achievement
You provide a clear stance on the topic and make a strong argument about the need for restricting unhealthy food advertisements.
task achievement
The use of examples, such as the mention of McDonald's and KFC, effectively supports your argument regarding the impact of advertising on children.
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