IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many students now work whilst they are studying in college to concentrate on their education as feeling under pressure. What are some of the causes of this? What solution could you suggest?

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Many
of
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apply
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restaurants or companies in the present
days
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day
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 employ students or young people in terms of
internship
Fix the agreement mistake
internships
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 or part-time workers which
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
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to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
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 gain their working experience before, they face
in
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apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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real situations.
Moreover
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,
It
Correct pronoun usage
They
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also
Linking Words
receives
Correct subject-verb agreement
receive
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 actual
of
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apply
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money in some places that can
reduced
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reduce
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 responsibility from their parents who pay for their education. As
on
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in
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Correct article usage
the pharagraph
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pharagraph
Correct your spelling
paragraph
 above, we see various
of
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apply
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results to get during work, so we are moving back to see the causes of
this
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 to
understanding
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understand
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 more
in
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about
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 their reasons and minds.
Firstly
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, Most
of
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apply
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students have financial problems from their families which affect
to
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apply
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their monthly payments during school or university.
Hence
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, they would like to have a job to reduce their financial burden.
Furthermore
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, a few of them might do cause of their future plan which
this
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 working can raise experience and meet since they
was
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were
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 young so, they will develop themselves faster than others in part of career goals. By the way, some people might think
about
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that
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 feeling under pressure from
second
Correct article usage
a second
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 job is
better
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a better
the better
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 way to enhance their education which
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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is faultless to decide in
this
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 way but, it is not only
this
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 reason at all. Moving to
solution
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the solution
a solution
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, we should not pressure too much from their new comer of industry, we can help with adding welfare benefits like full-time workers or health insurance to ensure that they will have a
smoothly
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smooth
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 life.
To conclude
Linking Words
, students tend to work as either
internship
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an internship
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 or part-time more
in
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apply
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nowadays
with
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for
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 numerous
of
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apply
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reasons
although
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, they have difficulty
life
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in life
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 during
that
Correct determiner usage
those
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 moments. So the owner or manager should
takes
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take
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 care
and
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of and
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helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
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 as much as possible for both
of
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apply
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their development and
finance
Fix the agreement mistake
finances
show examples
.

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coherence
Improve sentence structure and clarity for better readability.
task achievement
Add more specific examples to support your points effectively.
coherence
Ensure correct use of punctuation and grammar to avoid confusion in meaning.
task achievement
You addressed the topic and provided some relevant points regarding the causes and solutions.
task achievement
The essay reflects an effort to engage with the reasons and effects of students working while studying, which is a positive aspect.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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