IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The graph and table below show the average monthly temperatures and the average number of hours of sunshine per year in three major cities.

The graph and table below show the average monthly temperatures and the average number of hours of sunshine per year in three major cities.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The graph illustrates the average
temperature
Use synonyms
 monthly and the annual
hours
Use synonyms
 of
sunshine
Use synonyms
 in 3 different
country
Change to a plural noun
countries
show examples
 namely :
London
Use synonyms
, New
York
Use synonyms
, and
Sydney
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, all 3 cities withness
fluctuation
Correct article usage
a fluctuation
show examples
 in
temperature
Use synonyms
thoughout
Correct your spelling
throughout
 the
year
Use synonyms
 in which July seemed to be the hottest month in New
York
Use synonyms
 and
London
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
Sydney
Use synonyms
is
Verb problem
had
show examples
 in highest
temperature
Use synonyms
 in
Febuary
Correct your spelling
February
.
Beside
Replace the word
Besides
show examples
, New
York
Use synonyms
 is the city that has the highest
hours
Use synonyms
 of
sunshine
Use synonyms
, compared to the others.
In
Change the preposition
At
show examples
 the beginning of the
year
Use synonyms
,
Syney
Correct your spelling
Sydney
 is the hottest city with over 25
degrees
Use synonyms
 which
far
Add a missing verb
is far
show examples
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
higher than
London
Use synonyms
 and
NewYork
Correct your spelling
New York
show examples
, with nearly 10
degrees
Use synonyms
 and around 5
degrees
Use synonyms
 respectively. In the next 2 months, the
temperature
Use synonyms
 in
Sydney
Use synonyms
 almost remains
unchange
Correct your spelling
unchanged
while
Linking Words
 the
pther
Correct your spelling
other
 cities show a slight increase. From March to June, apart from
Sydney
Use synonyms
 whose
temperature
Use synonyms
 decreases remarkably, both New
York
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
London
Change noun form
London's
show examples
Use synonyms
temperature
Fix the agreement mistake
temperatures
show examples
 increase significantly, reaching their peaks at 30
degrees
Use synonyms
 and
neraly
Correct your spelling
nearly
 25
degrees
Use synonyms
 in July respectively. In the remaining months,
Sydney
Use synonyms
 enters Summer with the
temperature
Use synonyms
 climbing up to 25
degrees
Use synonyms
 . Meanwhile, with the advent of Winter
London
Use synonyms
 and
NewYork
Correct your spelling
New York
show examples
 show
a dramatic drops
Correct the article-noun agreement
a dramatic drop
dramatic drops
show examples
 to the starting point
at the end
Linking Words
 of the
year
Use synonyms
. The total annual
hours
Use synonyms
 of
sunshine
Use synonyms
 for New
York
Use synonyms
 is 2,535
hours
Use synonyms
, doubling that for
London
Use synonyms
.
Follows
Wrong verb form
Followed
show examples
 by
Sydney
Use synonyms
 with 2,473
hours
Use synonyms
 of
sunshine
Use synonyms
 per
year
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words temperature, hours, sunshine, london, york, sydney, year, degrees with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: