IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later. Some say that these are the best people to talk to school students about the dangers of committing a crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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With better rehabilitation in prisons, many criminals have become better citizens after imprisonment.
Therefore
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, some people believe that these citizens are the best options in offering educative classes regarding
dangers
Correct article usage
the dangers
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 of criminal activities for
school
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students
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.
While
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 some might argue that their previous records can scare the children and hinder learning, I completely agree with the perspective of involving
ex-convicts
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into
Change preposition
in
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 educational systems,
due to
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 their
crime
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-related experience. On the one hand, imploring the expertise of
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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ex-convicts
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into
Change preposition
in
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classroom
Add an article
the classroom
a classroom
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 for
educational
Add an article
the educational
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purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
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 might not be idle because
,
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apply
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school
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 children might not be knowledgeable of these changes made by the criminal.
For instance
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,
students
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 might have read about the previous history of a notorious criminal who committed a felony,
such
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 as murder or robbery,
although
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this
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 person
have
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has
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 changed, the
crime
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 committed by them cannot be evicted from people's
mind
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minds
show examples
.
Thus
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, their presence might
frightened
Wrong verb form
frighten
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school
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 children.
On the other hand
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, it is beneficial to involve
ex-criminal
Fix the agreement mistake
ex-criminals
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 who maintained
a
Correct article usage
apply
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good records records after prison terms
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the educational system, especially in
crime
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-related subjects.
This
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 is particularly essential
due to
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 their previous experience and knowledge acquired from the prison.
For example
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, most
students
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 might have read books or watched movies related to
crime
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 and jail terms, which give them theoretical ideas about criminal activities,
therefore
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, with
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
face-to-face interaction with
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
ex-convicts
an ex-convict
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ex-convicts
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, they will be fully knowledgeable about both the
theoritical
Correct your spelling
theoretical
 and practical aspects of
crime
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, which can be a strong
deterrents
Correct the article-noun agreement
deterrent
show examples
 for them towards
crime
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. In conclusion,
which
Correct word choice
although
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 many
students
Use synonyms
 might not be comfortable with the presence of
ex-convicts
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due to
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 their previous history, I firmly agree that involving criminals who became good people in prison is
the
Correct article usage
an
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efferctive
Correct your spelling
effective
methods
Fix the agreement mistake
method
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in
Change preposition
of
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education
Replace the word
educating
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school
Use synonyms
students
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 about
crime
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,
due to
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 their
experiance
Correct your spelling
experience
 in
crime
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.
However
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, a balance on the level of their
involvements
Fix the agreement mistake
involvement
show examples
 is required in order to maintain a well-rounded and safe learning
environments
Correct the article-noun agreement
environment
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 for
students
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Try to sharpen the focus of your argument in the introduction. Clearly state your position more emphatically to guide the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow of your ideas within paragraphs. Ensure each idea smoothly transitions to the next and is clearly related.
task achievement
In your body paragraphs, provide more specific examples and elaboration to strengthen your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Check for grammatical errors and polishing sentences for clarity, including articles and plurals, to improve overall readability.
task achievement
You present a clear opinion and acknowledge the counter argument, which demonstrates critical thinking.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is structured with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, making it easy to follow.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • rehabilitation
  • crime deterrence
  • authenticity
  • consequences
  • criminal justice system
  • incarceration
  • recidivism
  • inspire
  • glamorize
  • professional educators
  • law enforcement officers
  • second chances
  • personal growth
  • relatability
  • appropriateness
What to do next:
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