IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later. Some say that these are the best people to talk to school students about the dangers of committing a crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Due to
Linking Words
 the reform in rehabilitation
program
Fix the agreement mistake
programs
show examples
, many criminals have successfully
integreted
Correct your spelling
integrated
 into
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
Therefore
Linking Words
, some individuals believe they are the best teachers to educate school
students
Use synonyms
 regarding issues related to
crime
Use synonyms
. I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 perspective, because they can provide insight into criminal activities
according to
Linking Words
 their experience. On the one hand, some people may argue that the presence of an ex-convict can frighten the
students
Use synonyms
 and hinder learning,
due to
Linking Words
 their criminal record.
Student
Fix the agreement mistake
Students
show examples
 may not be aware of the
changed
Replace the word
changes
show examples
 made by the ex-convict.
For instance
Linking Words
, a notorious criminal convicted
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 murder or robbery might change, but the
students
Use synonyms
 might still have the criminal perspective of the individual in mind, which can be a deterrent to learning rather than fostering their understanding
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 crimes.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, people with clean post-prison records should be integrated into the educational system, particularly in courses associated with crimes and order.
This
Linking Words
 action can foster
deep
Add an article
a deep
show examples
 understanding of
crime
Use synonyms
 among school
students
Use synonyms
 and provide them with
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
first-hand insight.
For example
Linking Words
, many
students
Use synonyms
 might have read books or watched movies about crimes and breaking the law,
therefore
Linking Words
, a lecture from an ex-convict can provide them with a practical insight
of
Change preposition
into
show examples
these theoretical knowledge
Change the determiner
this theoretical knowledge
show examples
, which can be lessons and prevent them from criminal activities. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 some might argue the presence of
an ex-convicts
Correct the article-noun agreement
ex-convicts
an ex-convict
show examples
 might hinder
students
Use synonyms
 from focusing in classrooms
due to
Linking Words
 their record, I firmly believe that criminals that have successfully
integreted
Correct your spelling
integrated
 into
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society are the best
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to create awareness about
dangers
Correct article usage
the dangers
show examples
 of
crime
Use synonyms
,
due to
Linking Words
 their expertise and ability to provide
practical
Add an article
the practical
a practical
show examples
 perspective of
crime
Use synonyms
 to
students
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
 presence in schools should be regulated in order to
maintained
Change the verb
maintain
show examples
 a safe and healthy learning environment for the
students
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Rephrase the introduction to clarify your stance more strongly and make it more engaging.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that relates directly to your thesis.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repetition and try to vary your vocabulary to enhance your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Proofread for minor spelling errors (e.g., 'integrated' instead of 'integreted') and grammatical accuracy.
task achievement
You effectively present a balanced view of the argument by acknowledging opposing perspectives before reinforcing your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes your argument well and reiterates your key points effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • rehabilitation
  • crime deterrence
  • authenticity
  • consequences
  • criminal justice system
  • incarceration
  • recidivism
  • inspire
  • glamorize
  • professional educators
  • law enforcement officers
  • second chances
  • personal growth
  • relatability
  • appropriateness
What to do next:
Look at other essays: