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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph below shows changes in the amount and type of fast food consumed by Australian teenagers from 1975 to 2000.Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph below shows changes in the amount and type of fast food consumed by Australian teenagers from 1975 to 2000.Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The line graph illustrates three different types of fast food consumed by Australian teenagers, between 1975 and 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
hamburgers
Use synonyms
has
Verb problem
are
show examples
 the most popular fast food
amoung
Correct your spelling
among
 teenagers over the given period, meanwhile,
pizza
Use synonyms
 and fish and chips
comes
Change the verb form
come
show examples
 in second and third places.
Moreover
Linking Words
, fish and chips
shows
Change the verb form
show
show examples
 an opposite trend compared to
hamburgers
Use synonyms
 and
pizza
Use synonyms
. In 1975, fish and chips
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
dominated the charts and
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
ate
Wrong verb form
eaten
show examples
 by adolescents 100 times per year.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 the number began to fall dramatically for the next 25 years and reached its lowest number of fast-food
consumpition
Correct your spelling
consumption
 at 39 by 2000.
Hamburgers
Use synonyms
 and
pizza
Use synonyms
 show a similar trend. On the one hand,
Hamburgers
Use synonyms
 were eaten nearly 10 times a year,
then
Linking Words
 the number began to skyrocket for
Correct article usage
a 10-years
show examples
10-years
Correct your spelling
10-year
 period and reached approximately 82. Followed by
gradual
Add an article
a gradual
the gradual
show examples
 rise in
Use synonyms
hamburgers
Fix the agreement mistake
hamburger
show examples
consume
Replace the word
consumption
show examples
, reaching 100
hamburger
Fix the agreement mistake
hamburgers
show examples
 per year in 2000.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
Pizza
Use synonyms
 was less consumed by teens nearly 5
Use synonyms
pizza
Fix the agreement mistake
pizzas
show examples
were ate
Change the verb form
were eaten
show examples
 in 1975.
in contrast
Linking Words
, the figures faced a gradual increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
pizza
Use synonyms
 consumption for two decades, after which the figure
stabilize
Wrong verb form
stabilised
show examples
 between 1995 and 2000.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words hamburgers, pizza with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradual" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • line graph
  • trends
  • consumption
  • type of fast food
  • popularity
  • peaked
  • hit a low
  • timeline
  • notable
  • switch
  • cultural trends
  • economic factors
  • marketing efforts
  • increase
  • decrease
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