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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that the increasing use of computers and mobile phones in communication has negative effects on young people's reading and writing skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Some
people
Use synonyms
 claim that the increased number of gadgets in communication has a detrimental effect on young
people
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's literacy
skills
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.
While
Linking Words
 I agree that technology reduces engagement with traditional reading and writing practices, I
also
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 believe it opens doors to new
skills
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, which are essential in modern life. Technological devices decrease exposure to traditional literacy.
That is
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 to say,
people
Use synonyms
 mostly use social media platforms,
such
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 as WhatsApp and Instagram to stay up-to-date and communicate with their friends. Rather than sending traditional letters to each other or reading books we rely on technology.
For example
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, many
people
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 constantly send messages to their family members.
Additionally
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, we prefer to watch YouTube videos
such
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 as a review of long novels
instead
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 of reading their books, which is time-saving in today's digital era.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, smartphones and computers help us to gain new
skills
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, namely, coding and programming. To clarify, the internet consists of numerous valuable resources, which help individuals
to
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apply
show examples
easily and quickly search for any topic. So,
instead
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 of spending hours in traditional classes,
this
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 development gives a chance to attend courses online and learn new advancements in various fields.
For example
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, many medical students participate in online conferences that enhance their knowledge and keep them motivated. In conclusion,
due to
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increased
Correct article usage
the increased
show examples
 use of digital tools, nowadays
people
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 experience less
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
traditional literacy practices.
However
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,
this
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also
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 helps
people
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 to acknowledge new
skills
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, which are vital in today's digital era.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and that all sentences in the paragraph relate directly to that idea to enhance coherence.
task achievement
Make sure to provide more specific examples in support of your points, as this can strengthen your argument and demonstrate a deeper understanding.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly presents the topic and your stance, making it effective and engaging.
coherence and cohesion
The use of linking words and phrases helps in achieving logical flow between sentences and paragraphs, which is commendable.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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