IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

2.IS SMALLER FAMILIES ARE GOOD TO LIVE IN THESE TIME OR BIIGER FAMLILIES. DISCUSS BOTH VIEWS AND GIVE YOUR OPINION

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
2.Family plays an important role in everyone's life. A host of individuals reckons that staying in a smaller family is more advantageous
while
Linking Words
 others oppose
this
Linking Words
 idea and claim that living in joint
families
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 more benevolent. The aim of the essay is to discuss both views before designing a personal opinion
at the end
Linking Words
. On the one hand, a demographic segment of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society is in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of residing in big
families
Use synonyms
. Their support is mainly considering the benevolences associated with the macro
families
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, children living in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
larger
families
Use synonyms
 turn into sharp personalities and have a healthier mindset as they
engaged
Wrong verb form
engage
show examples
 with the different age members of the
families
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 can create a sense of confidence and responsibility in them, and they can handle difficult situations very easily.
Secondly
Linking Words
, A larger family can achieve any chores faster as compared to a small family.
For instance
Linking Words
, they can delegate their tasks among the family members which can save their time and energy.
Thus
Linking Words
, choosing to stay in crowded
families
Use synonyms
 leads to several advantages.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, strong opposition is raised by various youngsters. There are a few reasons behind
this
Linking Words
 opposition.
According to
Linking Words
 them, parents can give more attention towards their kids in micro
families
Use synonyms
. To exemplify, children get more help related
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 school material which they do not understand from parents. Resulting in the
overall
Linking Words
 better academic performance in them.
Moreover
Linking Words
, small
families
Use synonyms
 can have a comfortable lifestyle as they have more space for all family members under one roof. To clarify, kids can have their separate rooms in tiny
families
Use synonyms
 which is sometimes not possible in large
families
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, there is a strong demand for the single family. To recapitulate, there are different opinions
whether
Change preposition
on whether
show examples
 to stay in a joint family or in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 nuclear family. I believe having a joint family in the modern era is
such
Linking Words
 a blessing with lots of benefits.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your introduction clearly outlines the topic and the purpose of the essay, which is excellent. However, consider rephrasing the thesis statement for clarity, maybe stating, 'This essay will discuss both perspectives before providing my opinion.'
task achievement
While you have effectively presented both sides of the argument, some points could be further elaborated. For example, in the section about larger families, you could provide more specific examples or statistics to strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Transitions between paragraphs and ideas can be improved. Using linking phrases like 'In addition,' or 'On the contrary,' could enhance the flow and clarity of your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Try to avoid repetitive phrases like 'family' in close proximity; diversifying your language will keep your writing engaging. For instance, you could refer to 'relatives' or 'household' as synonyms.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes the discussion but could be more impactful. Consider reiterating why you believe a joint family is a blessing in the modern era, potentially mentioning specific benefits you think are crucial.
task achievement
The essay presents clear arguments for both sides, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Your writing showcases a balanced view and empathetic understanding of both family structures, which is commendable.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: