IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many contend that parents play a crucial role in teaching their children how to be decent citizens, while others think educational institutions should be in charge of this.

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It is argued by many that
parents
Use synonyms
are playing
Wrong verb form
play
show examples
important
Add an article
an important
show examples
 role
to teach
Change preposition
in teaching
show examples
 their kids
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
how to become
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
 some believe
this
Linking Words
 should be taught by
leaning
Correct your spelling
learning
show examples
 institutions. Both factors play
crucial
Add an article
a crucial
show examples
role
Fix the agreement mistake
roles
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 in kids’ life to learn moral values, but I believe that
families
Change the noun form
family
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 upbringing plays
important
Correct article usage
an important
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 role in
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 life to be a part of
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 society member.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
parents
Use synonyms
 are
first
Correct article usage
the first
show examples
 teachers of every child. First and foremost,
Children
Use synonyms
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 70% of their time at home. To elaborate, they will meet the bad and good things from home.
In addition
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
 are
first
Add an article
the first
show examples
friend
Fix the agreement mistake
friends
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 of their kids, so it will be easy for them to shape their personalities like
this
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 so that they can easily
enroll
Change the spelling
enrol
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 in good social activities. To exemplify, by telling stories of
tata ratan
Correct your spelling
Tata Ratan
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, who was
great
Correct article usage
a great
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 social developer,
parents
Use synonyms
 can motivate their
children
Use synonyms
 to become
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, schools can
also
Linking Words
 help
parents
Use synonyms
 to develop good social values in their kids
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
 various ways. Primarily, a proper subject should be taught by teachers to the students regarding social information. Legislative should be strictly part of the studies. To clarify, social science and
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
 studies encourage students to stay
in
Change preposition
within
show examples
 their limits and teach them
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
how
law
Add an article
the law
show examples
 works in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. To
encapsulated
Change the form of the verb
encapsulate
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,
although
Linking Words
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
sending
children
Use synonyms
Change preposition
to schools
show examples
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
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are helping
Wrong verb form
helps
show examples
 them to be a good citizen,
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
I believe that upbringing by
parents
Use synonyms
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 more
impacts
Fix the agreement mistake
impact
show examples
determining
Change preposition
on determining
show examples
 how they will be in future.

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grammar
Ensure that sentences are clear and grammatically correct. Avoid phrases like 'to teach their kids that how to become a good citizen'.
content
Expand on your examples to provide clearer context and relevance. For instance, more detailed explanations of how the examples you've provided relate to the argument would strengthen your points.
clarity
Consider rephrasing your introduction for better clarity and flow. For example, instead of 'families upbringing plays important role', you could say 'the upbringing provided by families plays a crucial role'.
structure
The essay presents a balanced view by addressing both sides of the argument, showing an understanding of the complexity of the topic.
content
You provide some good examples, like the reference to Tata Ratan, which could engage readers and illustrate your point well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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