IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarkets in some countries many small local businesses are unable to compete some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of Local communities .to what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It
is often argue
Change the verb form
is often argued
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 that the proliferation of
supermarkets
Use synonyms
 has led to an extinction of local Enterprises
due to
Linking Words
 which they are unable to compete with superstores. I believe that
conveniency
Correct your spelling
convenience
,
quality
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 and affordability are the main reasons for declining the reputation of small businesses. One predominant reason which favours a point of death of local business
due to
Linking Words
extension
Correct article usage
the extension
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 of hypermarkets is convenience and
time-efficient
Correct your spelling
efficiency
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 as
supermarkets
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 are big
shops
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 in which everything is present use
in
Change preposition
on
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daily
Correct article usage
a daily
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 basis owing to which people have an opportunity to purchase
things
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 under one roof which ultimately saves their time and reduce stress.
However
Linking Words
, these facilities are not available in local
shops
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by
Change preposition
apply
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which
Correct word choice
and
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 individuals do not prefer to buy
things
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 from them.
In addition
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 to
this
Linking Words
,
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quality
Correct article usage
the quality
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 of items is another important cause for winding up local
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
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 because it is generally opined by habitants that local
shops
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have
Add a missing verb
do have
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 not
much
Correct word choice
same
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quality
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 of
things
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 as
supermarkets
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.
For
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 reason, sole partnership takes
back
Correct article usage
a back
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 seat in competing with superstores.
Apart from
Linking Words
this
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, there are various places
such
Linking Words
 as
Cafe
Correct article usage
a Cafe
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,theatre,
playing
Correct word choice
and playing
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 area in
supermarkets
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 which appreciable influence the residents towards them because people have a chance to spend
quality
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 time with their friends and
procuring
Wrong verb form
procure
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things
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 as well.
In contrast
Linking Words
, community
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
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are playing
Wrong verb form
play
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 a secondary role in
this
Linking Words
 case. In conclusion,
according to
Linking Words
 me, The importance of local
shops
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 has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
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decreased
due to
Linking Words
 some viable reasons mainly convenience, flexibility and
quality
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 which are challenging for them as compared to
supermarkets
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.

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coherence and cohesion
Consider rephrasing complex sentences to improve clarity.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments.
task achievement
Ensure that the introduction clearly states your position on the issue.
content
Good attempt at structuring the essay and presenting an argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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