IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The health benefits to physical excercise are well-known. Despite this, a lot of people do not exercise regularly. What are the reasons for this? What could be done to encourage them to excercise more often?

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Exercising is
extremely
Add an article
an extremely
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 beneficial activity to gain health and strength.
Moreover
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, It
also
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 helps to clear mind and better sleep at night.
However
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, even
there
Correct word choice
though there
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 are a lot of
efficiently
Change the adverb
efficient
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 results,
but
Correct word choice
apply
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most people still do not exercise in
generally
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general
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.
Hence
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,
this
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 essay will describe base on the reason for
this
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 and how can we encourage them to
excercise
Correct your spelling
exercise
 more often.
Firstly
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, the top reason must be insufficient
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
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 to have an exercising that most people
likely
Add a missing verb
are likely
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 to say. It is faultless whereof they actually
have
Add a missing verb
do have
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 not enough
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
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, but if we dig deep more, most of them are just
lazy
Rephrase
too lazy
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 to go gym or fitness.
Furthermore
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,
this
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 laziness
is belong
Wrong verb form
belongs
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 to various things
such
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 as emotions, personalities, or
accidentally
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accidental
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 situations like birthday occasions or wedding celebrations.
Nevertheless
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, if
this
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 method still
be
Change the verb form
is
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 happening in the present day, our world is slightly going to obesity societies in one day. Moving on to encouraging them, there are many strategies to make them start to do physical activities,
for instance
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, directly
purchase
Wrong verb form
purchasing
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fitness
Correct article usage
a fitness
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 member in yearly to force themselves by
feeling
Add an article
the feeling
a feeling
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 of
waste
Replace the word
wasting
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 money,
find
Wrong verb form
finding
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a friends
Correct the article-noun agreement
a friend
friends
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 to go together and encourage
with
Change preposition
apply
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each other along the way, or go to check scanning health which
need
Change the verb form
needs
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 to get
a
Remove the article
apply
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terrible feedback, so they will start with
willingness
Add an article
a willingness
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 to improve their fitness. Even though, these conditions can apply to them, in spite of that the
nescessary
Correct your spelling
necessary
 concern should be vitality. In conclusion,
while
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 bad physical
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
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is very
Verb problem
are
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 dreadful, people still tend to
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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an
Correct article usage
apply
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exercise as much as possible.
In addition
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, these strategies can help them to initiate it to develop and increase their healthiness.

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task Achievement
Consider revising your introduction to clearly state your thesis. This will help to outline the key points you will discuss in your essay.
task Achievement
Try to elaborate more on your supporting ideas with clear examples and more detailed explanations. Providing specific instances can strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the overall logical flow by using more transitional phrases to connect your ideas and paragraphs smoothly. This will enhance coherence.
coherence and cohesion
Pay attention to grammar and sentence structure to improve clarity. This will make it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
task Achievement
You have outlined some relevant reasons for the lack of exercise, like insufficient time and laziness. This shows good engagement with the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes your main points effectively and reiterates the importance of the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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