IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Having a habit of saving
money
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 from a young age will benefit
people
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's lives in the future in many ways.
While
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 some
people
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 believe it is beneficial, others may oppose it. I strongly agree that saving
money
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 for youngsters and all generations has had a positive impact on
people
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's futures. On the one hand, saving for every generation means they can create possibilities for freedom and independence in their futures.
As a result
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, with the
money
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 they save, individuals have numerous options for starting a business,
traveling
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travelling
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, or living abroad.
For instance
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, based on a survey by Economic News in Japan, the majority of young
people
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 have the ability to open start-up companies because they have been saving their
money
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 at a young age.
Moreover
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, those
savings
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 ensure that they have opportunities to learn and expand their businesses faster from experts and paid seminars.
Furthermore
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, saving builds a safety net for citizens' emergencies,
as well as
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 financial security,
such
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 as for medical expenses and economic difficulty. In
this
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 fast-changing world, we cannot predict our financial stability without
savings
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, but
people
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 with zero
savings
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 struggle to pay their hospital bills,
while
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 young
people
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 who have
savings
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 can pay easily.
For example
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, during the COVID-19 pandemic, almost every person in every country suffered from economic problems. They were unable to go to work, and the government decided to reduce salaries and working hours
due to
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 budget limitations.
As a consequence
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,
people
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 who were able to survive were
people
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 with good
savings
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 from a young age. In conclusion,
although
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 many
people
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 are against setting aside funds, I advocate for individuals saving
money
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, believing that it will have a positive impact in the years to come. Saving
money
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 offers
people
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 numerous options for their futures and protects them from unforeseen adverse conditions in the future.

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Task Response
The introduction clearly states your viewpoint, which is great. However, consider providing a brief overview of the main points you will discuss in the essay to enhance clarity and set expectations for the reader.
Coherence and Cohesion
While your points are well-structured, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that directly relates to your main argument. This will improve the logical flow.
Task Response
You provided relevant examples, but remember to explain them in a bit more depth. This will reinforce your arguments and improve the overall impact of your essay.
Task Response
In the conclusion, summarizing your key points succinctly can strengthen your argument. You might also echo the importance of saving in a broader societal context.
Task Achievement
Your essay presents a clear opinion and remains focused on the topic throughout, which is essential for meeting the task requirements.
Task Achievement
You effectively use specific examples that enhance your arguments, such as the survey in Japan and the impact of savings during the COVID-19 pandemic, which add depth to your points.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
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