IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

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In many countries the number of people, who have
average
Correct article usage
an average
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 weight is growing,
whereas
Linking Words
 their level of health and fitness
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 falling.
This
Linking Words
 essay will give some effective and significant solutions to these challenges.  The main causes of these problems are a sedentary lifestyle and expensively priced
of
Change preposition
apply
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natural foods.
In our
Change preposition
Our
show examples
 days there are a lot of individuals who
are working
Wrong verb form
work
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 in the
offce
Correct your spelling
office
 24/7
Change preposition
for about
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about
Change preposition
for
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whole
Correct article usage
a whole
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 week in
the
Remove the article
apply
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all corners of the world.
Linking Words
Although
Correct word choice
However
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, the difficulty of finding natural dishes and foods' quality and availability are
impact
Fix the agreement mistake
impacts
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 to emerging these issues.
For example
Linking Words
, in the
supermarkets
Add a comma
supermarkets,
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 we can notice among types of apples, which have different qualities and prices
depended
Wrong verb form
depending
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of
Change preposition
on
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 them.  Some possible solutions that I can suggest are
give
Fix the infinitive
to give
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 employees
certify
Replace the word
certification
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 to the gym and
good
Correct article usage
a good
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 salary. Nowadays some private companies
are starve
Change the verb form
are starving
are starved
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 to try these methods and increase
qualities
Correct article usage
the qualities
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 of
the
Change the word
their
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 employees.  In conclusion of
this
Linking Words
 essay I would like to say that people's health safety is the most important thing, and saving it from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
damage is
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 our hands.

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Task Response
Your introduction clearly states the topic and mentions that solutions will be provided, which is good. However, consider introducing the causes more directly in the introduction to set clear expectations for the reader.
Coherence and Cohesion
Each paragraph should have a clear topic sentence that links back to the main argument of the essay. This will help in maintaining a logical structure throughout your essay.
Task Response
Ensure that you expand on your ideas further. For example, while you mentioned gym memberships as a solution, it would be beneficial to elaborate on other measures that can be implemented at both individual and community levels.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to use more varied sentence structures to enhance the flow of your text. This will improve coherence and make your writing more engaging to read.
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by identifying causes and suggesting solutions, demonstrating good awareness of the task requirements.
Task Achievement
The use of a specific example related to supermarkets and apples adds a personal touch to your argument, demonstrating an attempt to use relevant examples to support your ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary
  • obesity
  • overweight
  • physical activity
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • exercise
  • unhealthy diet
  • fast food
  • urbanization
  • modernization
  • stress
  • awareness
  • education
  • government intervention
  • policies
  • promotion
  • sports
  • fitness programs
  • health education
  • taxation
  • public transportation
  • infrastructure
  • parks
  • recreational spaces
What to do next:
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