IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The restoration of old buildings in major cities in the world costs numerous government expenditures. This money should be used for road development. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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The restoration of old
buildings
Use synonyms
 in major cities in the world costs numerous government expenditures.
This
Linking Words
money
Use synonyms
 should be used for
road
Use synonyms
development
Use synonyms
. To what extent do you agree or disagree? The preservation of historic
buildings
Use synonyms
 in major cities around the world often requires significant public funding. Some argue that
this
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money
Use synonyms
 would be better spent on improving
road
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 infrastructure.
While
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 I agree that
road
Use synonyms
development
Use synonyms
 is essential for modern urban life, I believe that preserving heritage architecture
also
Linking Words
 provides valuable cultural and economic benefits. Improving
road
Use synonyms
 infrastructure plays a vital role in improving individuals’ safety. The improvements often include more warning signs, cycle lanes, speed cameras and speed bumps. When these facilities are installed, the number of car accidents can be significantly reduced, thereby improving citizens’ safety.
Moreover
Linking Words
, upgrading
road
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 infrastructure can
also
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 make a great contribution to improving
quality
Correct article usage
the quality
show examples
 of life. When governments allocate
money
Use synonyms
 to build overpasses, increase metro lines, and improve bus routes, people are encouraged to take public transport or use private vehicles more efficiently.
This
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 can significantly alleviate traffic congestion, which helps commuters living anywhere to save time.
Nonetheless
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, these benefits do not necessarily mean that
money
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 spent on old
buildings
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 should be reallocated to
road
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 programmes, and the government has invested a large amount of
money
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 on them.
On the other hand
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, preserving valuable old architecture brings significant benefits, especially in terms of improving cultural awareness and local economic
development
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. From a cultural perspective, these
buildings
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 often reflect a country’s history, religion, and artistic style. When individuals visit them, they are encouraged to explore the
historic
Correct word choice
historical
show examples
 story behind these traditional places.
For example
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, Ole Summer Places in China not only features its distinctive visual styles but
also
Linking Words
 represents how it was experienced in the past, which enables individuals to have a deeper understanding
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their culture and the richness they have now.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, protecting old
buildings
Use synonyms
 can
also
Linking Words
 increase the appeal and vibrancy of countries, attracting
visitor
Fix the agreement mistake
visitors
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 from
over
Rephrase
all over
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 the world.
This
Linking Words
 in turn boosts expenditure on accommodations, dining, and other local services,
thus
Linking Words
 stimulating the regional economy. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
road
Use synonyms
 improvements are
core
Add an article
the core
a core
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 focus of a country’s
development
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, the protection and restoration of historic
buildings
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needs
Change the verb form
need
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same
Correct article usage
the same
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 attention with regard to
reinforce
Wrong verb form
reinforcing
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 national identity and economic growth. The government should allocate
fundings
Fix the agreement mistake
funding
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 properly in both given areas, improving citizen’s
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
show examples
 and promoting culturally mutual understanding.

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Task Achievement
Consider providing a more robust counterargument in your body paragraphs to strengthen your position. This can enhance the complexity of your ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to better link your ideas with transition phrases. This will improve the flow of your essay and help the reader follow your arguments more easily.
Task Achievement
Your introduction clearly states your position and presents a balanced view of both sides.
Task Achievement
The essay includes relevant examples that support your points, such as the specific example of Ole Summer Places in China.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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