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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below shows how the UK unemployed spent their time last year.

The table below shows how the UK unemployed spent their time last year.
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The table illustrates the
pencentage
Correct your spelling
percentage
 of
activities
Use synonyms
 that the UK unemployed chose to do
in
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apply
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last
Linking Words
 year.
Overall
Linking Words
, Most
women
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 did
housework
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 in the morning,
while
Linking Words
 the majority of
men
Use synonyms
 hunted
jobs
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for jobs
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.
Similarly
Linking Words
, the highest proportion of
women
Use synonyms
 was doing
housework
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 in the
afternoon
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.
Conversely
Linking Words
, the most common
afternoon
Use synonyms
 activity for
men
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 was watching TV. Almost half of
women
Use synonyms
 did
housework
Use synonyms
 in the morning, followed by shopping and job hunting.
Men
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also
Linking Words
 experienced
the
Correct article usage
a
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 similar trend,
housework
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, shopping, and job hunting were the top three most common
activities
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 in the morning, accounting for 19%, 20%, and 22% respectively. Other
activities
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contibuted
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contributed
 no more than 15% for both
women
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 and
men
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. In terms of
the
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apply
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afternoon
Use synonyms
activities
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,
housework
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 remained the most popular for
women
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,
while
Linking Words
 the number of
men
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 shifted to TV.
However
Linking Words
, there were no noticeable differences among
activities
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.
Men
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 spent their time
on
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apply
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gardening almost at the same level as TV. The number of
women
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 visiting friends or relatives increased in the
afternoon
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, making it the
second highest
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second-highest
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 percentage of time
spending
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spent
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.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words activities, women, housework, men, afternoon with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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