Nowadays many mothers take care of the family and don’t go out to work. Some people believe they should be given salaries by the government. 🔸Do you agree or disagree?

More and more people
aurge
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argue
than
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that
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stay at home moms is a real
full time
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full-time
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job
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and it needs to be funded by the
goverment
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government
. In my opinion, I
comlpletely
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completely
agree with
this
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statement and I believe that officials should take
an
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apply
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action for
mothers
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for two reasons. First of all, I believe that children need
a
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apply
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special care emotionally and physically by their
mothers
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. In fact, growing up with no mother figure might
effect
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affect
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the
kid
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kids
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growing up, where they
also
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could put themselves at risk and
also
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prone to have
a
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apply
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bad mental health.
Although
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, a
babysiter
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babysitter
could be
the
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a
show examples
decent choice
but
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apply
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there is nothing
can
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that can
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replace the
perants
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parents
impact on the child.
Therefore
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, young
childern
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children
need to have
a
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apply
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dedicated
child-care
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child care
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for them so they must provide
good
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a good
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enviroment
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environment
where they would get the chance to age healthier.
In addition
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, being
mother
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a mother
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and
have
Wrong verb form
having
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a
full time
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full-time
show examples
job
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is not an easy task to do. What
i
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I
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mean,
mothers
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does
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do
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not have the time capcity to hold
accountable
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themselves accountable
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not only for
her
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their
show examples
Use synonyms
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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but
also
Linking Words
Change preposition
for her
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her
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
children, where she is obligated to do these
to
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apply
show examples
tasks
simuntaneously
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simultaneously
and that leads them to burnt out if not
depressed
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depression
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. A study published by New York University in 2013 concluded that 83% of
mothers
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who work a 9 to 5
job
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and
takes
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take
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care
for
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of
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her
Correct pronoun usage
their
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kids
suffers
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suffer
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from
a
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apply
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severe depression.
Therefore
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, if the mother does not have a clear mind and
a
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apply
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good mental health to provide love, the children
would
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will
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struggle throughout their lives. In conclusion, women should get
pain
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paid
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by the government so they can help our community to rise in a healthy way.
Other wise
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Otherwise
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we would have a society
who
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that
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suffers from a detrimental
phyological
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physiological
psychological
issuse
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issues
issue
,
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apply
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since
mothers
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are the
base line
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baseline
show examples
for a well-functioning and sustainable world.

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task response
Your introduction clearly states your position, but it's good to elaborate on the main points you will discuss in the essay to provide a roadmap for the reader.
coherence cohesion
Try to be consistent with your wording; for example, terms like 'stay at home moms' should be standardized to 'stay-at-home moms.'
coherence cohesion
Be cautious with spelling errors such as 'aurge' (argue), 'effect' (affect), and 'simuntaneously' (simultaneously), as these can distract the reader from your message.
task response
When presenting statistics or studies, briefly explain the significance of them to strengthen the argument. For example, clarify how the study’s findings specifically relate to the argument for government salaries for mothers.
task response
You provided a clear opinion and relevant reasons supporting your argument, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical flow of ideas, moving from one point to the next, which aids in readability and understanding.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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