Nowadays many mothers take care of the family and don’t go out to work. Some people believe they should be given salaries by the government. 🔸Do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
More and more people
aurge
Correct your spelling
argue

If you don’t want aurge to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

than
Correct word choice
that

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

show examples
stay at home moms is a real
full time
Add a hyphen
full-time

It appears that full time is missing a hyphen. Consider adding the hyphen(s).

show examples
job
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and it needs to be funded by the
goverment
Correct your spelling
government

If you don’t want goverment to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

. In my opinion, I
comlpletely
Correct your spelling
completely

If you don’t want comlpletely to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

agree with
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

statement and I believe that officials should take
an
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
action for
mothers
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

for two reasons. First of all, I believe that children need
a
Remove the article
apply

The indefinite article, a, may be redundant when used with the uncountable noun care in your sentence. Consider removing it.

show examples
special care emotionally and physically by their
mothers
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. In fact, growing up with no mother figure might
effect
Correct your spelling
affect

The word effect doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
the
kid
Fix the agreement mistake
kids

It seems that kid may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
growing up, where they
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

could put themselves at risk and
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

prone to have
a
Remove the article
apply

The indefinite article, a, may be redundant when used with the uncountable noun health in your sentence. Consider removing it.

show examples
bad mental health.
Although
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, a
babysiter
Correct your spelling
babysitter

If you don’t want babysiter to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

could be
the
Correct article usage
a

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
decent choice
but
Remove the conjunction
apply

It appears that the word but is unnecessary in this sentence. Consider removing it.

show examples
there is nothing
can
Correct pronoun usage
that can

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

show examples
replace the
perants
Correct your spelling
parents

If you don’t want perants to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

impact on the child.
Therefore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, young
childern
Correct your spelling
children

If you don’t want childern to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

need to have
a
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
dedicated
child-care
Correct your spelling
child care

The word child-care doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
for them so they must provide
good
Correct article usage
a good

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
enviroment
Correct your spelling
environment

If you don’t want enviroment to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

where they would get the chance to age healthier.
In addition
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, being
mother
Add an article
a mother

The noun phrase mother seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

show examples
and
have
Wrong verb form
having

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb have. Consider changing it.

show examples
a
full time
Add a hyphen
full-time

It appears that full time is missing a hyphen. Consider adding the hyphen(s).

show examples
job
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

is not an easy task to do. What
i
Change the capitalization
I

The pronoun I should always be capitalized.

show examples
mean,
mothers
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

does
Change the verb form
do

The verb does does not seem to agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

show examples
not have the time capcity to hold
accountable
Correct pronoun usage
themselves accountable

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

show examples
not only for
her
Correct pronoun usage
their

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

show examples
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs

It seems that job may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
but
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

Change preposition
for her
show examples
her
Correct pronoun usage
their

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

show examples
children, where she is obligated to do these
to
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
tasks
simuntaneously
Correct your spelling
simultaneously

If you don’t want simuntaneously to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

and that leads them to burnt out if not
depressed
Replace the word
depression

The word depressed doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
. A study published by New York University in 2013 concluded that 83% of
mothers
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

who work a 9 to 5
job
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and
takes
Correct subject-verb agreement
take

It seems that the verb takes does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

show examples
care
for
Change preposition
of

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
her
Correct pronoun usage
their

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

show examples
kids
suffers
Correct subject-verb agreement
suffer

It seems that the verb suffers does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

show examples
from
a
Remove the article
apply

The indefinite article, a, may be redundant when used with the uncountable noun depression in your sentence. Consider removing it.

show examples
severe depression.
Therefore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, if the mother does not have a clear mind and
a
Remove the article
apply

The indefinite article, a, may be redundant when used with the uncountable noun health in your sentence. Consider removing it.

show examples
good mental health to provide love, the children
would
Wrong verb form
will

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb would. Consider changing it.

show examples
struggle throughout their lives. In conclusion, women should get
pain
Correct your spelling
paid

The word pain doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
by the government so they can help our community to rise in a healthy way.
Other wise
Correct your spelling
Otherwise

The word Other wise seems to be miswritten. Consider replacing it.

show examples
we would have a society
who
Correct pronoun usage
that

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

show examples
suffers from a detrimental
phyological
Correct your spelling
physiological
psychological

If you don’t want phyological to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

issuse
Correct your spelling
issues
issue

If you don’t want issuse to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

,
Remove the comma
apply

It appears that you have an unnecessary comma before the dependent clause marker since. Consider removing the comma.

show examples
since
mothers
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

are the
base line
Correct your spelling
baseline

The word base line seems to be miswritten. Consider replacing it.

show examples
for a well-functioning and sustainable world.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Your introduction clearly states your position, but it's good to elaborate on the main points you will discuss in the essay to provide a roadmap for the reader.
coherence cohesion
Try to be consistent with your wording; for example, terms like 'stay at home moms' should be standardized to 'stay-at-home moms.'
coherence cohesion
Be cautious with spelling errors such as 'aurge' (argue), 'effect' (affect), and 'simuntaneously' (simultaneously), as these can distract the reader from your message.
task response
When presenting statistics or studies, briefly explain the significance of them to strengthen the argument. For example, clarify how the study’s findings specifically relate to the argument for government salaries for mothers.
task response
You provided a clear opinion and relevant reasons supporting your argument, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical flow of ideas, moving from one point to the next, which aids in readability and understanding.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: