IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people choose to have their first child at an older age. What are the reasons? Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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Some individuals make up their minds to become
parents
Use synonyms
 at an older age for the first time. The following paragraphs will discuss the benefits and drawbacks of
this
Linking Words
 topic. The main advantage of becoming
parents
Use synonyms
 in
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
 years is
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
excellent practice and education, which could help to raise
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
 in healthier and friendlier environments. Elderly people, who are wise and smart in most aspects of life, and it may assist with children's learning in the institution.
Besides
Linking Words
 that, aged humans have financial stability and
strong
Correct article usage
a strong
show examples
 foundation of relationships between family members, because they
knew
Wrong verb form
know
show examples
how
Correct word choice
what
show examples
 is teenager’s behaviour like.
For example
Linking Words
,
recent
Add an article
a recent
the recent
show examples
 article in NUR.KZ demonstrate comparisons with two families. The kid, whose
parents
Use synonyms
 were elderly was born in
comfort
Add an article
a comfort
the comfort
show examples
 zone with all needs. Meanwhile, the teens from younger families were not so lucky. On
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 hand,
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon has disadvantages as well. One of them is
health
Add an article
the health
show examples
 of aged
parents
Use synonyms
, as their organism
weaker
Add a missing verb
is weaker
show examples
 than the average person in recent decades. For
this
Linking Words
 occasion, doctors have solutions, but physical or mental therapy cannot prevent some diseases for many individuals.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 the child was
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 teenager, the mother and father were
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
76 years old.
Recent
Add an article
A recent
show examples
 report from Edinburgh University found that aged adults, who have
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
kids
closer
Add a missing verb
are closer
show examples
 to heart attack and stress.
To conclude
Linking Words
, being
parents
Use synonyms
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the elderly years
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 bad and good sides, but the main thing for
this
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 is risky understanding. Humans have to be careful and
awareness
Replace the word
aware
show examples
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their own kids, as they are the most valuable part
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
lives
Correct pronoun usage
their lives
show examples
.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph clearly develops a main idea that relates back to your thesis statement. Use topic sentences effectively.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Add transitions between your ideas to enhance the flow of your essay.
task achievement
The essay successfully addresses the task and presents both advantages and disadvantages of having children at an older age.
coherence and cohesion
Clear introduction and conclusion are present, framing the discussion well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • career aspirations
  • professional development
  • financial stability
  • personal fulfillment
  • higher levels of education
  • societal shift
  • parenting age
  • developed countries
  • socially acceptable
  • medical advancements
  • fertility treatments
  • conceive at a later age
  • delayed parenthood
What to do next:
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