IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Nowadays people get married and have kids in their thirties rather than when they are younger. Do you agree or disagree that this trend will benefit society?

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People's mindset regarding when it is appropriate to start a family and get married has changed from before, as these days, couples would prefer to build their life separately,
then
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 when they are ready financially and emotionally, they will start looking for a good match to build a family with. In my opinion, most of the young generation are not mature enough in their twenties, especially men,
that is
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 why I think they should wait at least until they are thirty and for women end of
twenties
Correct pronoun usage
their twenties
show examples
 would be good as women are more mature in comparison to men.
This
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 is not a role some men
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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are much younger than
this
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 age and they are responsible enough and can have a sccesseful marrige. It depends on several factors not just how old they were when they got married. The community can benefit from
this
Linking Words
 change in marriage age, as it will reduce the burden on women to not worry when they get thirty and above and not find a match for them, so they will not choose
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 if they are not sure that he is the one, just because they are afraid that the train of marriage will leave them, and they will be ashamed
by
Change preposition
of
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 other people around them.

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task achievement
Clarify your main argument and ensure it is well-supported by reasoning and examples. For instance, you mention that financial and emotional readiness is important, but elaborate further on how these factors contribute to a healthier family dynamic.
coherence
Improve the logical flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs. Use transition words or phrases to help the reader follow your argument more easily. For example, you could explicitly connect why emotional maturity relates to successful marriages.
coherence
Expand on your conclusion to summarize the key points you made in your essay. A strong conclusion reinforces your argument and provides a final perspective on the topic, which seems to be missing here.
task achievement
You have included personal opinions and insights, which demonstrates your engagement with the topic. This is a strong aspect of your writing.
task achievement
Your awareness of the emotional aspects of marriage and family life adds depth to your discussion, showing a thoughtful approach to the subject.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial stability
  • emotional maturity
  • secure upbringing
  • career prospects
  • education and career development
  • lifetime earnings
  • job satisfaction
  • health outcomes
  • demographic shift
  • population growth
  • ageing population
  • parental preparedness
  • responsibilities of parenting
  • modern healthcare
  • capable of having healthy pregnancies
  • balancing population growth
  • establish careers
  • save money
  • healthier relationships
  • better parenting
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