IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

To meet the grow need for food to support an increasing population, a country should make use of edible insects as a food source. However, some people believe that insects are not only unhealthy but harvesting them will also negatively affect nature. What are the benefits and drawbacks of eating insects?

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There is no doubt that these days we face a shortage of
food
Use synonyms
 with increasing the number of people. The question is, should we make
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
insects
an insect
show examples
insects
Use synonyms
 as
food
Use synonyms
 for people? In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will discuss my view
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
this
Linking Words
 subject. In terms of the advantages of
provideing
Correct your spelling
providing
insects
Use synonyms
 as
food
Use synonyms
,
insects
Use synonyms
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
show examples
 that have high
protein
Use synonyms
 and with
shortage
Add an article
a shortage
the shortage
show examples
 in
food
Use synonyms
 especially that
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 high
protein
Use synonyms
,
insects
Use synonyms
 would be
great
Add an article
a great
show examples
 alternative for them. The main reason given the support
this
Linking Words
 claim is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
Chineses
Correct your spelling
Chinese
show examples
 and
Japaneses
Correct your spelling
Japanese
 eat
insects
Use synonyms
 with their
meala
Correct your spelling
meal
meals
 as
protein
Use synonyms
provider
Fix the agreement mistake
providers
show examples
. To illustrate they
cooking
Wrong verb form
cook
show examples
 the
insects
Use synonyms
 and make it as BBQ with their white rice to be
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
show examples
 meal with high
protien
Correct your spelling
protein
 and low fats.
However
Linking Words
, some
kindes
Correct your spelling
kinds
show examples
 of
insects
Use synonyms
 could
hurts
Change the verb form
hurt
show examples
 your stomach and poison you.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
kinde
Correct your spelling
kind
 of
food
Use synonyms
 could affect our nation like what
happend
Correct your spelling
happened
 with Covid-19.
In other
Linking Words
words
Add a comma
words,
show examples
 these
Use synonyms
food
Fix the agreement mistake
foods
show examples
 would produce
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 pandemic
to
Change preposition
among
show examples
 our citizens that will kill
large
Change the article
a large
the large
show examples
 number of them.
Secondly
Linking Words
, a large
numper
Correct your spelling
number
 of people don't accept eating
this
Linking Words
kinde
Correct your spelling
kind
 of
food
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is because they are selective
on
Change preposition
about
show examples
 what they put on their
mauths
Correct your spelling
mouths
maths
,
Also
Linking Words
 disgusting any
insects
Use synonyms
 they see how about eating them
this
Linking Words
 is like
death
Correct article usage
the death
show examples
 penalty to them. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
insects
Use synonyms
 could be
food
Use synonyms
 with high
protein
Use synonyms
 and low fat,
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
affects
Correct subject-verb agreement
affect
show examples
 the most important thing that any person could have and
that is
Linking Words
 his health.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I believe that eating
insects
Use synonyms
 is very harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
 our health.

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task achievement
Revise the introduction to clearly state your thesis and outline the main points. This will improve clarity and set the reader's expectations.
coherence cohesion
Ensure correct verb tenses and plurals are used for clarity. For instance, 'insects are a meal' should be 'insects are a source of protein.'
task achievement
Provide more specific examples with data or facts to enhance the strength of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Organize paragraphs more distinctly, with each paragraph focusing on a single main idea. This could help improve the logical flow of ideas.
task achievement
You provided a balanced view by discussing both the benefits and drawbacks of eating insects.
task achievement
Your use of personal opinion is evident, which is a good approach in addressing the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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