IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

There is no doubt that globalisation has benefited the world by bringing together people, business and nations. People who criticise it stand in the way of progress. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Globalisation
Use synonyms
 has, without a doubt, improved the general life of global citizens, especially by tightly connecting the whole world;
consequently
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, the critics represent an obstacle to progress. In my opinion,
while
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 it is impossible to ignore the variety of advantages related to
globalisation
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, there are
also
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 some
problems
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 connected to
this
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 phenomenon.
Globalisation
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 has had an eventful impact on individuals' lives, improving them.
Firstly
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,
this
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 phenomenon has helped by making
people
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 more open to different cultures and different lifestyles,
Secondly
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,
an other
Correct your spelling
another
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 sector that has benefitted from
this
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 situation is newscasting. News are shared quicker
,
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apply
show examples
 and are more available, so everyone can understand the issues going on in different parts of the globe.
Lastly
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, it is easier to get in contact with
people
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 from different countries, have a dialogue with them, and make friendships around the globe.
For example
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, social platforms, like
Tik Tok
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TikTok
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, helped with the creation of a global community where
people
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 can interact.
However
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,
this
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 situation created some
problems
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, especially in the economy.
Firstly
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, since now is easier to obtain products from different countries, local production is being marginalized;
therefore
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,
prefering
Correct your spelling
preferring
 imported products to local ones created a
disalignment
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misalignment
 between our import-export balance,
than
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then
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 increased public debt and took a huge hit to the
overall
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 state economy.
Secondly
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, young
people
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 are leaving their country, deciding to live abroad, and,
therefore
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, creating huge
problems
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 in their
homecountry
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home country
, which lose young minds.
For example
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,
this
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 is a main problem in Italy. There there is a growing trend of young
people
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 who decide to
live
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leave
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 their
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
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 to search for more opportunities abroad, leaving their
homecountry
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home country
 without
young
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a young
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work force
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workforce
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. In conclusion,
globalisation
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 improved the
overall
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 life of global citizens,
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however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 it
also
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 created important
problems
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, which, if not resolved, could lead to major economic
problems
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.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to separate your ideas clearly in paragraphs. Each paragraph should present a distinct point. Consider adding topic sentences to enhance clarity.
task achievement
When stating problems or disadvantages, ensure you provide adequate examples or explanations to support your claims.
coherence and cohesion
Try to avoid minor grammatical errors, such as "an other" and "preferint"; they may distract from the strengths of your argument.
task achievement
You present a balanced view by acknowledging both sides of the argument, which is commendable.
task achievement
Your examples, such as the impact of social media, are relevant and highlight your points effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • international trade
  • cultural homogenization
  • multinational corporations
  • sustainable development
  • economic disparities
  • technological advancement
  • cultural exchange
  • scrutinize
  • ethics
  • innovation
  • connectivity
  • protectionism
  • outsourcing
  • free market
  • trade liberalization
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