IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

more and more people are choosing healthy eating and regular exercise. why? what can we do to encourage it?

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In
this
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 day and age, eating healthy food and exercising have
a
Correct article usage
apply
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become a worldwide trend. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss some possible causes,
as well as
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 methods that can be adopted to encourage
this
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 trend. On the one hand, there are two main reasons behind rising the rate of
people
Use synonyms
 doing exercise and eating healthy.
Firstly
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,
people
Use synonyms
 want to increase their life expectancy. Because of the developing internet system, residents can access a variety of information in terms of healthcare and diet methods.
Besides
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,
people
Use synonyms
 have raised their awareness about the harmful effects of junk food and poor exercise.
Secondly
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, a healthy lifestyle can help
people
Use synonyms
 become more confident, sleep better and feel more happy.
Furthermore
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, doing exercise helps residents relax after a busy day.
On the other hand
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, there are two methods to encourage
people
Use synonyms
 to take part in eating clean and working out. First of all, the government should organise many groups about
healthy
Replace the word
health
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 care.
This
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 thing explains that they are not single when eating clean and they have a community to share knowledge about care
themselve
Correct your spelling
themselves
.
Moreover
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, peer pressure can be very effective
to get
Change preposition
in getting
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people
Use synonyms
 to work out regularly.
Secondly
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, they can start with some basic ways
such
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 as reducing the intake of foods that are high in fats, sugar and salt like fast food
instead
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 of eating more vegetables. In conclusion, increasing healthy lifestyles can help humans live longer and have better health.
As a result
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, there are some solutions for
this
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 case
such
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 as the government
opens
Wrong verb form
opening
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 many workshops about healthy diets or
people
Use synonyms
 should eat less foods that include fats.

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Task Achievement
While the essay addresses the task and provides reasons and methods, you could enhance clarity by including more specific examples or elaboration on your points. For instance, instead of just stating that 'people want to increase their life expectancy,' you might mention specific statistics or studies that highlight this trend.
Coherence and Cohesion
In terms of coherence and cohesion, your paragraphs are logically structured, but transitioning between ideas could be smoother. Using connecting phrases like 'Furthermore' or 'In addition' can help make your ideas flow more naturally from one point to the next.
Coherence and Cohesion
In your conclusion, try to summarize your main points more clearly. Rather than simply restating the solutions, highlight their importance regarding the health benefits you discussed.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have a clear introduction outlining the main points of your essay, which is a strong start.
Task Achievement
You provide valid reasons for the trend towards healthy eating and exercise, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay presents a balanced structure with distinct sections for causes and solutions, making it easy to follow.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • exercise regimen
  • personal goals
  • individual pace
  • convenience
  • motivation
  • peer pressure
  • structured classes
  • social dynamics
  • accountability
  • external motivation
  • self-discipline
  • peer support
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