IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

More and more people are choosing healthy eating and regular exercises, Why? What can we do to encourage this?

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More frequently communities are selecting a balanced diet and physical activity.
This
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 essay will illuminate why they must eat healthy food and regularly exercise. Research shows that nowadays, the population spend a significant amount of time on social media, around 3-4 hours per day.
Although
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this
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 affects their health and motivates on courage.
For example
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,
while
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 they are watching some videos about gym, fitness or doing exercise community, their brain is producing a lot of dopamine and adrenaline.
Firstly
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,
this
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 encourages being healthy and keeping fit.
Moreover
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, they want to achieve quickly good-looking figures.
Therefore
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, some social networking platforms, fitness or other activities help with nutritious eating . In my perspective, If they want to keep fit and work out, they will be encouraged in other ways.
For example
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,
initially
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, they need to improve the workplace wellness program. Because it impacts their motivation.
Furthermore
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, they always would like to do exercise which are good place.
Thus
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, the place should be a comfortable position. In conclusion, To avoid some types of diseases, people eat healthy food and go to the gym to lose weight.
This
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 is the main reason to keep fit

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introduction
The introduction could be clearer in outlining the main points you will discuss. Try to provide a brief overview of the reasons and solutions in the introduction itself.
clarity
Some sentences are a bit unclear and could benefit from restructuring. Focus on grammatical accuracy and clarity to enhance your ideas.
examples
Consider adding more specific examples or details to support your points. This will strengthen your arguments and provide the reader with a clearer understanding of your perspective.
content
You identified relevant issues regarding social media and its impact on health, which is a contemporary topic that many readers can relate to.
conclusion
Your conclusion successfully sums up the main point of the essay, reiterating the importance of healthy eating and exercise.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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