IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people feel that the legal age at which people can marry should be at least 21. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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The problem of whether or not the legal
age
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 at which
people
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 can marry should be at least 21 has sparked a heated debate.Some
people
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 argue that 18 years old
people
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 its not ready for adult life.I contend that we need to up the
age
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 of
people
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 who want to have a family confirmed by the
government
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 would have a positive impact on
people
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 because they are diverse often. There are several reasons why
people
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 claim that when a human lives at least 18
age
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 he can live an adult life with the main one being that
people
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 can do anything when he is born at 18
age
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 which will contradict the laws.
For example
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,
according to
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oxford university
Correct your spelling
Oxford University
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, the research shows that many young families lived at
marriage
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 until their death.Another cogent reason is that the
government
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 can help young families to raise their children or pay for education
also
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government
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 can give apartments to families. I personally believe that
marriage
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 should be at least 21 is relatively positive for several reasons which are related to
people
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 who marry at a young
age
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 their
marriage
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 is very vulnerable.First of all, they didn't end the education at the university and in some cases, they can't take all the responsibility for the child or something else.
In addition
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,
marriage
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 is useless without a child in my opinion
that is
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 why they need to have work.
This
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 is particularly desirable because it would result in a good family union. In conclusion,
i
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I
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 would say that
people
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 need to think more about
this
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 important thing and every
people
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 needs to keep taking on themself.But in my opinion, the
government
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 in some countries should up the
age
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people
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 can marry at least 21.

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task achievement
Clarify your position in the introduction. For example, state more explicitly whether you completely agree, disagree, or have a nuanced stance on the legal marriage age.
coherence
Improve the logical flow between your points. Try to use more connecting phrases or words to guide the reader through your arguments, such as 'for instance', 'firstly', 'additionally', etc.
task achievement
Enhance your examples; they should be specific and clearly linked to your arguments. Providing detailed examples can strengthen your points significantly.
coherence
Check grammar and word choice for clarity. Phrases like 'didn't end the education' should be corrected to 'did not complete their education'. Such errors can make your argument harder to follow.
task achievement
You demonstrated awareness of both sides of the argument, which is essential in argumentative essays.
task achievement
You proposed a clear opinion regarding the legal marriage age, showing your stance on the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Legal age
  • Marriage
  • Maturity
  • Stability
  • Individual choice
  • Freedom
  • Cultural practices
  • Religious practices
  • Education
  • Career aspirations
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