IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The crime rate nowadays is decreasing compared to the past due to advance technology which can prevent and solve crime?

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In recent years, the
crime
Use synonyms
rate
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 has decreased
due to
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 the advancement of
technology
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 in
crime
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 prevention.Some people believe that
,
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apply
show examples
 modern innovations play an important role in preventing traditional
crimes
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.
However
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,
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 contend that developed technologies are facilitating modern
way
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ways
show examples
 of
crimes
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such
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 as
cybertheft
Correct your spelling
cyber theft
show examples
 or
fradulent
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fraudulent
 financial transactions.I personally think ,
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although
Correct word choice
that although
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 the development of
technology
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 helps to stop physical criminal activities, it has
also
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 created and formed new illegal activities in the digital realm.I partially agree with the statement. No doubt, in
this
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modren
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modern
 era
latest
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the latest
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 innovations are playing a key role in
stoping
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stopping
show examples
crimes
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 and making places safer than ever.
For example
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 , the introduction of CCTV video surveillance makes
investigation
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the investigation
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 more effective and productive by providing evidence in the form of recorder tapes .The fear of being
recorder
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recorded
show examples
 in cameras or revealing criminal identities leads to a decrease in illegal stunts
such
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 as robbery, vandalism and car thefts.
In addition
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,
latest
Correct article usage
the latest
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technology
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such
Linking Words
 as alarm systems and laser-protected boundaries offer peace of mind for individuals
while
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 they are away from their homes or businesses.To explain it ,
such
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 effective alarm systems send
Add an article
an alert
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alert
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alerts
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 to police and owners of
propreties
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properties
 automatically during
invasion
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an invasion
the invasion
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 or
unidentify
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unidentified
 crossing . Despite these benefits ,
latest
Correct article usage
the latest
show examples
 innovations
also
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 present some challenges
such
Linking Words
 as
cyber
Correct your spelling
cybercrime
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crime
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 and
non legitmete
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non-legitmete
show examples
transactions.
For example
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, with the
the
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apply
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advancement in online
shopping
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shopping,
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 most people rely on the internet for their daily needs which provides chances to cybercriminals for doing fraudulent
tarnsactions
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transactions
transaction
 by creating fake websites and inappropriate links.
Moreover
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,
although
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 before
development
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the development
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in
Change preposition
of
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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technology
Use synonyms
Add a comma
,
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the chances of invading from justice
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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 very low as tracing offenders was quite easy , cyber
technology
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allow
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allows
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 criminals to execute their
crimes
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 without disclosing their locations
therefore
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 it encourages them
do
Add the particle
to do
show examples
 it frequently. In conclusion,
while
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technology
Use synonyms
 in
crime
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 prevention is providing
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
effetive
Correct your spelling
effective
 support to
lawenforcement
Correct your spelling
law enforcement
, it is
also
Linking Words
 making life more complicated for ordinary individuals .The new inventions
such
Linking Words
 as CCTV video surveillance
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
stoping
Correct your spelling
stopping
show examples
 physical
crimes
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 by creating a fear of getting
catch
Change the form of the verb
caught
show examples
,on the other side,
due to
Linking Words
 the dependence on online
technology
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 , the
rate
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 of cybercrimes is increasing at
alarming
Add an article
an alarming
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rate
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 .A prudent approach where the government and
lawenforcement
Correct your spelling
law enforcement
 spread awareness about fake websites and improve the
technology
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 to detect the location of cybercriminals is
only
Add an article
the only
show examples
 way to decrease
Add an article
the
show examples
crime
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 .

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and sticks to it throughout. Transitional phrases can help guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
Clarify your position in the introduction. It's good to indicate that you partially agree, but it would strengthen your argument to briefly outline why.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to proofread for spelling errors. For instance, 'modren' should be 'modern', and 'propreties' should be 'properties'. These small inaccuracies can detract from the overall impression.
coherence and cohesion
Use a variety of sentence structures to enhance your writing style and keep the reader engaged. This can also help improve your overall coherence.
task achievement
You have done well to present a balanced view of the topic by acknowledging both the advantages and disadvantages of technological advancements in crime prevention.
task achievement
Your use of examples, such as CCTV and online shopping, effectively illustrates your points and provides context for your arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • surveillance cameras
  • advanced security systems
  • potential criminals
  • law enforcement
  • AI (artificial intelligence)
  • big data analytics
  • forensic science
  • public awareness
  • social media
  • online platforms
  • crime prevention
  • crime rates
  • counterargument
  • cybercrime
  • technological misconduct
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