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Writing Samples
Band 6

The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The diagram illustrates the production flow from
sugar
Use synonyms
 cane to
sugar
Use synonyms
 we consume in our daily lives. In general, there are 7 main steps in the
manufaturing
Correct your spelling
manufacturing
process
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, which
involves
Correct subject-verb agreement
involve
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 physical, biological, and chemical
treament
Correct your spelling
treatment
. It begins with the
planation
Correct your spelling
plantation
show examples
 of
sugar
Use synonyms
 cane and ends with the production of
sugar
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. The first step of making
sugar
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 is growing
sugar
Use synonyms
canes
Fix the agreement mistake
cane
show examples
 for 12-18 months to reach its maturity.
Then
Linking Words
, the harvest comes in two different ways. One is harvested by the machinery in a massive number at one time. Another method is reaped by the farmers who cut them down by hand, taking more time and labour force to complete the task. Once harvested, the ripe
sugar
Use synonyms
 canes are
then
Linking Words
 crushed into juice by the machine,
served
Wrong verb form
serving
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 as the
prepartion
Correct your spelling
preparation
 work done before undergoing
to
Change preposition
apply
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the chemical
process
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.
The following step is
Linking Words
 to
purifying
Wrong verb form
purify
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 juice by filtering through
limesone
Correct your spelling
limestone
, and the filtered liquid is heated by the evaporator to generate syrup. After the heating
process
Use synonyms
,
Use synonyms
sugar
Correct article usage
the sugar
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cystal
Correct your spelling
crystal
 is separated from
syrup
Correct article usage
the syrup
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, which is called
centrifuge
Add an article
a centrifuge
show examples
. The
last
Linking Words
process
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 is drying and cooling, and the final product of
sugar
Use synonyms
 is successfully produced.

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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sugar, process with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • manufacturing process
  • sugar cane
  • harvesting
  • transporting
  • factory
  • crushing
  • extracting
  • juice
  • filtering
  • impurities
  • heating
  • evaporating
  • syrup
  • boiling
  • crystallizing
  • sugar
  • separating
  • drying
  • packaging
  • distribution
  • stage
  • process
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