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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The diagram below gives information about the number of by two major mail services companies from 1920 to 2000. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The diagram below gives information about the number of by two major mail services companies from 1920 to 2000. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
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The line graph illustrates the parcels
who
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 delivered by two major mail services companies during the period from 1920 to 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 the two companies exhibit fluctuating trends throughout the given period, each experienced
bothh
Correct your spelling
both
 upward and downward movements and numbers at different times.
However
Linking Words
, the
extenr
Correct your spelling
extent
 and frequency of these fluctuations varied among them. As the graph shows, TNT
bagan
Correct your spelling
began
 with almost 5000 in the
begging
Correct your spelling
beginning
show examples
 of the era, Followed by
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
gradual growth in 1960 with just above 100000, before it
deacres
Correct your spelling
decrease
teaches
 slightly with a
little
Correct word choice
small
show examples
 amount.
However
Linking Words
, the figure had a sharp rise reaching
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 peak
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
 nearly 25,0000. By
contast
Correct your spelling
contrast
, FedEx
commeced
Correct your spelling
commenced
 with higher status than TNT, with approximately 10,000 parcels delivered.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, FedEx numbers
climed
Correct your spelling
climbed
claimed
 rapidly
then
Linking Words
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
declined dramatically with
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
12500 parcels. The line remained unchanged in the but
contenued
Correct your spelling
continued
 with a moderate
rose
Replace the word
rise
show examples
 and
remains
Wrong verb form
remained
show examples
 steady again till the end of
era
Correct article usage
the era
show examples
 with nearly recording 18,000.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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