It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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this

Linking Words

present world, socialising is one of the most significant factors for human beings.

Therefore

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, Learning between the true and false is necessary for every adolescent.

However

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, I strongly disagree with the usage of

vilolent

Correct your spelling

violent

violence

to be a method of teaching. One disadvantage is that violent

from

Change preposition

apply

show examples

punishment may lead to other endless possible problems

such

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as self-harming, causing depression, and mental illness. More specifically, the worst consequence of punishment is domestic problems. The relationship between parents and their

child

Use synonyms

could be physically damaged and mentally suffered.

In addition

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this

Linking Words

problem could cause

Correct the article-noun agreement

apply

show examples

long-term problems for teenagers themself and the connections in the family.

On the other hand

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, I believe that teaching the difference between right and wrong can encourage their

child

Use synonyms

to understand the consequences of the choices they make.

Furthermore

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this

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is a magnificent way to enhance their self-awareness since they are still young. Another benefit is that the

child

Use synonyms

could grow up in a great manner.

Lastly

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, adolescents could be more respectful to other citizens when they become teenagers. As for the reason I

mention

Wrong verb form

mentioned

show examples

above, I believe that

Add a verb

it is

it was

show examples

necessary for the

child

Use synonyms

to learn the

consequence

Fix the agreement mistake

consequences

show examples

of their activity.

However

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, the learning method is a major factor that needs to be considered. The usage of

violent

Replace the word

violence

show examples

could let the disadvantage overcome the advantage.

nattawasprakinkijSat Apr 05 2025

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task achievement

Expand your ideas and provide more examples to support your arguments. This could help in enhancing your task achievement score.

coherence and cohesion

Consider improving the linking phrases between paragraphs and ideas to enhance the overall flow of your essay.

task achievement

Your essay presents a clear opinion on the topic, which is essential for task achievement.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

220 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

punishment
positive reinforcement
consequences
time-outs
removal of privileges
open communication
clear expectations
consistency
fairness
disciplinary action
proportionate
moral values
internalization

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