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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people argue that in order to improve the quality of education, high school students should be encouraged to make comments or even criticism of their teachers, others think it will lead to loss of respect and discipline in the classroom. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

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There is a debate over how
students
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 can enhance the quality of education, with some saying that tutors should give permission to make
comments
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 or even
criticism
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 of the senior
students
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 and others arguing that in the classroom, it will result in a lack of respect and discipline.In my opinion,
although
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 it will become disrespectful, allowing
students
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 to make
comments
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 has a beneficial impact on their teachers. Every learner wants to make
comments
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 and
criticism
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 of their teacher during a lesson. To explain
this
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, when
students
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 give their opinion and feedback, they will eventually lead educators to
a
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apply
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grow in their educational experience.
For example
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, John Dewey tried to encourage
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students
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students'
student's
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comments
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 and
criticism
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, because it can enable learners to engage in critical thinking and help John to
growth
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grow
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 in his educational career.
Therefore
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, education should be based on inquiry which is able to support the growth of
professor
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professors
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. Allowing learners to make
comment
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comments
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 and
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criticism
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criticisms
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 are able to be
benificial
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beneficial
 in some cases,
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however
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however,
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 it
also
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 has its drawbacks.When
students
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 criticize too much or make many
comments
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 during the lesson, they can
lead
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have
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 to negative impact on
in
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apply
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the classroom.
For instance
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, if you keep giving too many
comments
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while
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 your professor is lecturing, it can eventually lead to losing control of the class in many cases.
Thus
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, learners should not be encouraged to comment and criticize
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due
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apply
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to
provide upholding
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uphold
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 respect and discipline.
To sum up
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,
while
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 allowing
students
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 to offer
comments
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 and
criticism
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 can have positive effects,
such
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 as fostering critical thinking and helping educators improve, it is important to strike a balance. Excessive
criticism
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 or frequent
comments
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 during lessons can disrupt the classroom environment and lead to a loss of respect and discipline.

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Task Achievement
It may be helpful to clearly outline your thesis in the introduction. A more direct statement of your opinion can enhance clarity for the reader.
Task Achievement
Make sure to maintain a balance between both views in your essay. When you mention the benefits, also briefly state opposing opinions to ensure comprehensive discussion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices and transitions to connect your ideas smoothly, which can improve the overall flow of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improving sentence variety and structure can enhance clarity and reader engagement. Try to vary your sentence length and complexity to maintain reader interest.
Task Achievement
You present a clear opinion and acknowledge both sides of the argument, which is essential for this task.
Task Achievement
The examples provided demonstrate your understanding of the topic and can help to support your arguments effectively.
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