IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Small businesses are disappearing and being replaced by large multinational companies. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

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It is increasingly common for small
businesses
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 to be displaced by large multinational
corporations
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, reshaping local economies globally.
While
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this
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 trend presents certain advantages, I strongly believe the disadvantages significantly outweigh the benefits. On the positive side, multinational
corporations
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 (MNCs) often bring substantial financial resources, creating large-scale employment opportunities. Their presence can result in better infrastructure, improved working conditions, and standardized services or products, benefiting consumers through lower prices and broader choices.
For example
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, large supermarket chains or global retailers typically offer diverse products at more competitive prices compared to local vendors, thereby enhancing consumer satisfaction.
However
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, the disadvantages of replacing small
businesses
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 with multinational entities are substantial. Primarily, small enterprises contribute uniquely to local economies, preserving cultural identities, traditions, and community engagement. Their closure inevitably leads to a loss of local heritage and diminishes community spirit.
Furthermore
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, profits generated by small
businesses
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 typically remain within the local economy, supporting sustainable growth,
whereas
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 multinationals often redirect profits overseas, limiting economic benefits at the community level.
Additionally
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, the dominance of large
corporations
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 reduces market competition and entrepreneurial diversity. As small
businesses
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 vanish, consumers are left with fewer alternatives, often resulting in monopolistic practices that may compromise service quality and innovation in the long term.
For instance
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, the disappearance of independent bookstores
due to
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 large online retailers significantly reduces customer choice and limits cultural diversity. In conclusion, despite some economic benefits brought by multinational
corporations
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, the disadvantages of eroding local economies, diminishing cultural identity, and reducing market diversity significantly overshadow the potential advantages.
Hence
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, preserving small
businesses
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 should remain a priority to ensure balanced, inclusive economic development.

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task achievement
Your introduction clearly outlines your position, which is excellent. However, it could be strengthened by briefly mentioning both sides of the argument to give the reader a sense of balance before presenting your viewpoint.
coherence and cohesion
While your essay has a clear structure with well-defined paragraphs, try adding linking phrases between sentences within paragraphs to further enhance the flow of ideas. This can help readers follow your argument more seamlessly.
task achievement
You have provided good examples to support your points. However, consider incorporating a few more specific case studies or statistics to make your argument even more compelling and relevant to contemporary discussions about small businesses and multinationals.
task achievement
Your argument against the dominance of MNCs is well articulated, especially regarding the loss of community spirit and cultural identity.
coherence and cohesion
The overall organization and paragraphing of your essay are strong, providing clear and logical transitions between your ideas, contributing to the overall clarity of your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Displacement
  • Economies of scale
  • Local economies
  • Standardization
  • Cultural homogenization
  • Personalized service
  • Innovation
  • Community investments
  • Environmental impact
  • Competitive prices
  • Tax contributions
  • Job losses
  • Cultural diversity
  • Local employment opportunities
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