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Writing Samples
Band 7

The chart shows British Emigration to selected destinations between 2006 and 2009. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

The chart shows British Emigration to selected destinations between 2006 and 2009. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant
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The bar chart illustrates
British
Use synonyms
 evacuation trends
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 five countries including
Australia
Use synonyms
, Canada, Germany, the USA and
Greece
Use synonyms
 from 2006 to 2009.
Overall
Linking Words
,
Australia
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 remained the most popular destination throughout
this
Linking Words
 period,
whereas
Linking Words
Greece
Use synonyms
 had the lowest number of
British
Use synonyms
 emigrants except in 2007 which had an unexpectedly high amount. First of all,
Australia
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 consistently received the highest number of
British
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 emigrants, starting at around 40,000 in 2006 and peaking at approximately 52,000 in 2009,
following
Wrong verb form
followed
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 by Canada with numbers fluctuating between 30,000 and 35,000. Germany and the USA displayed similar patterns with emigration figures ranging between 20,000 and 25,000.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
Greece
Use synonyms
 had the lowest numbers, except in 2007 when it briefly surpassed 30,000 before dropping significantly in subsequent years. In summary,
Australia
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 was the preferred destination for
British
Use synonyms
 emigrants
while
Linking Words
Greece
Use synonyms
 saw the lowest numbers
overall
Linking Words
.
Although
Linking Words
 there were minor fluctuations in other countries, the general trend remained relatively stable.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words british, australia, greece with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trends" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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