In some countries, an increasing number of children are overweight or obese as a result of eating too much fast food. Banning fast food from school canteens is the best way to fight this problem.

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Obesity

Use synonyms

or excessive weight

have

Correct subject-verb agreement

has

show examples

become one of the major issues among

children

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. Some argued that banning the supply of fast

food

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school

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could be a solution to prevent childhood

obesity

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. In my opinion, I agree that giving a strict restriction to

offer

Wrong verb form

offering

show examples

fast

food

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in a

school

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canteen could address

this

Linking Words

problem. Fast

food

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contains unhealthy nutrition compared to home-cooked or traditional

food

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. These foods consist of fat and cholesterol in a large amount which can be one of the causes of

obesity

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. If

this

Linking Words

kind of meal is served on a daily basis, the probability of kids getting

Remove the article

apply

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obesity

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will be more likely.

Hence

Linking Words

, I believe banning these foods from being served during

school

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is an effective move to prevent excessive gain from

food

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Moreover

Linking Words

, fast

food

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offers more temptation and artificial flavours that attract

children

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to prefer it more compared to normal

foodfood

Correct your spelling

food

For instance

Linking Words

, KFC’s fried chicken offers more flavours and a rich taste when compared to normally processed

food

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chicken. These elements

Change the verb form

are

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something that surely

children

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coyuld

Correct your spelling

could

not resist. With

such

Linking Words

temptations, some

children

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would be willing to choose these fast foods

thus

Linking Words

, increasing the likelihood of

obesity

Use synonyms

Therefore

Linking Words

such

Linking Words

a straightforward ban on fast

food

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could offer a more efficient solution to these problems. In conclusion, banning fast

food

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from the

school

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canteen is one of the efficient solutions.Reducing healthy nutrition consumption from fast

food

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and avoiding the temptation of tasty

food

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, could be the right way to tackle the

obesity

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issue.

aulya2804Sun Apr 06 2025

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task achievement

Your argument aligns well with the topic, and you maintain a clear position throughout the essay. However, ensure that each point is fully explored for a more robust response.

coherence and cohesion

While your essay is generally well-structured, transitions between ideas could be made smoother to enhance overall flow.

task achievement

Try to provide more diverse examples to illustrate your points effectively, making your arguments stronger and more convincing.

task achievement

Good identification of the problem related to fast food consumption and its impacts on children's health.

coherence and cohesion

Clear position statement in the introduction that sets the framework for your arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

251 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

prevalence
obesity
correlation
consumption
unhealthy food options
promote
eating habits
educational programs
nutrition
effectiveness
resistance
logistical issues
enforcing
holistic approach
physical activity
parental guidance
safeguarding

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In some countries, an increasing number of children are overweight or obese as a result of eating too much fast food. Banning fast food from school canteens is the best way to fight this problem.

Your opinion

Watching a live performance such as a play, concert, or sporting event is more enjoyable than watching the same event on television. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that governments should make investment in building public libraries in every town, while others think it is a waste of money because we have access to information via Internet. Discuss and give your opinion.

In schools and universities, girls tend to choose arts, while boys like science. what are the reasons for this trend and do you think this tendency should be changed?

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? what can be done about this problem?

Scientists believe that computers will become more intelligent than human beings. Some people find it is positive while others think it is a negative development. Discuss both view and give your opinion.