IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

recent years, the number of crime committed by young people in major cities throughout the world is increasing. discuss this issues. give reasons and suggest some solutions.

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With every passing day, a sudden surge is observed in crimes
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
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 by the young generation in mega cities. Several reasons are behind
this
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 behaviour.
This
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 essay will shed light on the causes and
the
Correct article usage
apply
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possible solutions for
this
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 problem.
Firstly
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, nowadays
young
Correct article usage
the young
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 generation is highly influenced by
the
Correct article usage
apply
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technology with each passing day. They get to know about different types of weapons and criminal techniques through
media
Correct article usage
the media
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. After watching
such
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 movies and videos at the age of adulthood particularly,
develops
Wrong verb form
developed
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 a certain mindset that
this
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is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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may be a way to look more cool.
However
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, to imitate
such
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 actions they commit crimes consciously and sometimes unintentionally.
In addition
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 to these
above mentioned
Add a hyphen
above-mentioned
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 reasons, another
lackness
Correct your spelling
blackness
lack ness
 is highly observed in the
care taking
Correct your spelling
caretaking
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 of the
parents
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. Juveniles are the best imitators and they try to imitate everything from their
parents
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.
Whereas
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, most of the
parents
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 today do not have much time to give attention, care and
trsut
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trust
 to their
children
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. When
children
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 are not properly trained during
thier
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their
 childhood consequences are often not very
appreciative
Replace the word
appreciated
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.
For example
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, most of the
parents
Use synonyms
 work day and night but they are unaware of their
kids
Change to a genitive case
kid's
kids'
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 activities.
Such
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children
Use synonyms
 use right and wrong paths to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
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 their desires. But these issues can be easily resolved if we as a society,
parents
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 and teachers play our part honestly.
Children
Use synonyms
 must be trained at home . They should be able to discuss their feelings with their elders so that
parents
Use synonyms
 can guide
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accordingly
Correct pronoun usage
them accordingly
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.
While
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 in the schools, teachers must play their role by making students realise that every student and every human has its own rights.
In addition
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 to
this
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,
Government
Correct article usage
the Government
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 should
also
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 arrange awareness seminars in schools and local councils to let
children
Use synonyms
 know that if they cross their
boundries
Correct your spelling
boundaries
, repercussions will be very harmful and it would
also
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effect
Correct your spelling
affect
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 their lives negatively.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea followed by supporting details to improve logical flow.
coherence and cohesion
Enhance clarity by varying sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy in some areas.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific examples to strengthen your arguments and make them more compelling, particularly in the body paragraphs.
task achievement
The introduction clearly outlines the topic and states the intention of the essay.
task achievement
The essay attempts to address both causes and solutions, which is essential for a balanced discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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